Am I alone in feeling like women judge each other more harshly than they judge anything or anyone else? How on earth can we turn on each other when human garbage like Kavanaugh has been confirmed and sworn in and the #metoo movement is growing? The government has zero respect for us and somehow we can only band together when we are fighting a common enemy. On any other day, on any other occasion, we cut other women to shreds based on nothing but appearance! How is this acceptable? The motivation for this must be an abundance of insecurity and self-hatred. There is no explanation aside from that...nothing else makes sense. We can't truly believe that the rest of the women are awful, ugly, fat, slutty, skinny, poorly dressed, or whatever offends your delicate sensibilities today. My own gender disgusts me and I have no way to rid myself of this nausea.
Conversations with other women always seem to devolve into a bashing session during which another woman/women are picked apart and put down. Hard as I try to avoid this type of interaction, somehow, some way it creeps up on me and I am powerless to escape. The best I can do is tap dance around the subject without giving a real opinion and hoping the person with whom I am speaking doesn't notice. Admittedly, there are times I don't hold my tongue and I give the opposite answer expected of me, shaking the other person to the point that they have nothing to say but to agree with me. How can you argue with positivity and logic? Even the most argumentative, angry, opinionated person has to take a step back to see your point of view when you present it with determined praise and understanding.
It's so easy to fall into the trap of criticizing other women. She's so fat, how can she wear that? Oh.My.God is she really wearing that? Is she trying to be some kind of prostitute? Doesn't she see that her stomach is bulging out? I mean, for Christ's sake, hello muffin top! Jesus H, her boobs are practically falling out of her top. She's totally looking for attention...fucking whore. Sound familiar? You can't tell me that reading that didn't make you cringe just a little bit. Like every mean girl you've ever met was speaking to you and about you. Horrifying isn't it? But in everyday conversation, these barbs fly by without a thought. We don't stop to think about who we may be hurting. Rather, we join in and add our own special brand of hate speech.
Is this the kind of world we want for our daughters? None of us want our little girls to be teased, mocked, or ostracized. So, why do we act this way? You can't imagine our children don't hear us. They listen when you think they don't. Our kids emulate the example we've set for them. Being critical of other females sets them up to do exactly the same fucking thing. How would you feel if someone called your daughter too fat to wear leggings? What would you say to a woman who you overheard telling her child that your little girl looked like a tramp? The mere thought makes my head spin and my heart pound out of my chest with rage. I'd rip that bitch a brand-new asshole. I am certain you would, as well.
My point is that we should all feel comfortable in our own skin. Our daughters should love every inch of themselves. Our bodies are fan-fucking-tastic! They are strong and capable. Our legs carry us around all day long, even if our thighs touch and rub together. Our arms lift heavy loads, give hugs to those we love, and hold the things we care about safely, even if they aren't perfectly toned. Our stomachs can be soft and rounded or tight and flat. Neither way is more right or better than the other. They are meant to hold food. Sometimes, they provide a place for a small child to rest his or her head and feel cozy and safe. And, by the way, everyone has rolls when they sit or bend over. Boobs are the first victims of gravity that our body experiences. If they are standing at attention and above a B cup, they are surgically enhanced. And, you know what? More power to you if you got a boob job. If it makes you feel good about yourself, I support you 1000%. Just the same as if you had lipo. a facelift, a nose job...as long as it makes you happy, it's a good thing.
Why should I worry about wearing yoga pants and a tee to go shopping? You don't like my thick thighs? Don't look. I love my legs. They are strong and beautiful. They've taken me on the most amazing walks all over NY, SF, LA, beaches, and small towns. My legs have supported me while pregnant with my daughter and after she was born while I carried her around, rocking her to sleep. Is my ass too big for you? I didn't know it was an integral part of your life. How exactly does it affect you? It is perfect for me. When I do get a chance to sit, it cradles me in comfort. It helps me squat at work and walk with poise and strength. Plus, it is sexy as fuck. Does the fact that I don't have a six pack offend you? Maybe it's because I drink really good wine and eat amazing food that has you jealous as fuck. You have one life to live and if you choose not to enjoy it, that isn't my fault. My boobs hang. This is the first time in my life I've had boobs big enough to be affected by gravity and goddamn it, I love it. I don't want to look prepubescent my whole life. I am 47 years old and have earned the right to sag in places that are heavy enough to sag. Does it make them less beautiful? Hell no! They are glorious!!!
Whether you have an hourglass figure like my daughter or a softly rounded body or a slim athletic shape...you are beautiful. All bodies are wonderful and deserve love and appreciation. To say that someone is unhealthy based upon what you see is ignorant and biased. How do you know what her blood pressure is? Maybe her heart is as strong as a marathon runner's. Perhaps her cholesterol is perfection. Her glucose levels could be something to envy. You don't fucking know so why are you judging her? Hell, I may not look like your version of healthy and fit but guess what? Bitch, I am on my feet all day long, work with children, and still have an active social life. My blood pressure is perfect, as is my cholesterol and glucose. I drink, indulge in wonderful food, and stay up later than I should. I also feel beautiful and sexy no matter whether I am in leggings and a tee or a pretty dress and heels. My worth isn't determined by your opinion of me.
Slut shaming sucks, pure and simple. There is so much wrong with judging another woman in that way. Let's start with a basic how the fuck do you know who she sleeps with if anyone? Simply by looking at what she is wearing, her hair, and her makeup you believe that you can determine her bedroom activities. Isn't it usually founded in jealousy because the woman you are putting down looks so damn fabulous? Think about the last time you mumbled the word whore or slut under your breath. Remember what she looked like. I'd be willing to bet the farm that she was hot as fuck. More than likely she had all the attributes you wish you had. She was taller/shorter, thinner/curvier, bigger breasted/smaller breasted, longer/shorter hair...anything you secretly or not so secretly covet. Looking a certain way does not make someone loose, cheap, or low class. How someone chooses to present themselves is up to them and how they feel that particular day.
On the flip side of that coin, even if the woman you are judging does have an active and varied sex life, that is her fucking business, not yours! Men and women are guilty of making this judgment call every freaking day. A dude sleeps with ten women in the past six months, his bros are high-fiving him and congratulating his masculinity and sexual prowess. A woman sleeps with ten men over the same six month period and her reputation is shot to shit. What a fucking tramp! How can she be such a slut? Her vaj is open for business, please line up to the right and take a number. Why is it any different? What makes female sexuality and exploration of it so terrible? Our bodies were designed to give and receive pleasure, we have every right to use them for that purpose how, when, and with whom we desire.
The next time you see another woman, smile at her and say hi. If you find something about her appealing, tell her right away. Anything at all will do. Hair or makeup, clothing or shoes, her eyes or her scent...you'll be so surprised at the reaction you will get. Not only that, you will have made a fellow woman feel good with no strings attached. No one knows what kind of day a stranger is having, your kind words may be the boost she needs to get through an otherwise miserable day. Maybe someone called her fat or ugly or whore today. Your words could melt away the shame and anger she feels. Put good out into the world and when you least expect it and most need it, the good returns to you.
As women, we should be lifting each other up, not tearing each other down. In 2018, in light of all the horrifying sexual assaults and abuses being exposed, we need to support all women. Men still see us as less than, as objects, as the weaker sex. How the fuck did this happen? Who let them believe this? This is precisely why we have to form an alliance of strong empowered women who raise each other up and recognize the greatness of our sisters. We are a force to be reckoned with...if we join together and wrap our arms around each other instead of knocking each other to the ground. Are you friggin kidding me right now???
Muthafuckin DONE
