Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Are you an attention whore? Not sure...let's find out.

Attention whores are just as bad as their counterparts, real whores.  There's nothing more annoying than that one friend who absolutely HAS to be the center of attention.  Not content to laugh at someone else's joke, oh no, she has to tell one of her own.  By one, I mean several.  Never to be outdone, this chick does everything in gross quantity.  She's the 40 year old shopping in the junior section in Macy's, checking out shirts you wouldn't let your teenage daughter wear. She's the woman wearing more makeup at 8am than you'd wear to a club at 11pm.  That loud cackle you hear across the supermarket aisle, is likely to be her.  You noticed her, didn't you?  That's her intention.  The need to be noticed is so strong in this one, YOU feel embarrassed to be around her.  You may even feel embarrassed for her.  Guess what, she never feels shame.  Go ahead, insult her, you'll see.  So full of herself and her opinion of herself, she goes through life unscathed by your words...or mine. 
We've all seen her on Facebook or Instagram.  The photo frenzy is nonstop.  Self-portraits are her specialty.  The poses are hilarious, but she doesn't think so.  She thinks she's sexy.  And she expects you to tell her so.  Which is why she posts those pics in the first place with catchy little phrases attached to them.  She sits, poised by her keyboard, waiting for your responses.  I imagine she probably counts the number of comments she gets per post.  When there aren't enough, and you'll notice this, she posts more and more until she gets the volume of response she is seeking.  She doesn't necessarily want your opinion, no, she wants kudos and accolades.  Tell her how clever she is, how beautiful, how smart.  Oh, and by you, I mean your husband.  She wants male applause. 
This is the woman who makes all women look vapid and ridiculous.  She will ask for help with something she is fully capable of doing just to get attention.  If you can do it yourself, just do it!  The helpless female thing went out with the barefoot and pregnant thing...let it go.  Don't set the rest of us back several decades because you want to be noticed...your need for external validation is not mine, I don't want the backlash from it.  I didn't go to college to be treated like a dipshit.  My intelligence is a point of pride for me.  Don't ruin it by asking a man to help you choose a hammer in Lowe's.  Pick it up, can you lift it?  Yes?  Buy it, dumb ass. 
The attention whore is not a dumb woman.  She knows exactly what she is doing, it's premeditated.  I'll go so far as to say that she plans her moves way ahead of their actual execution.  How else does she have the perfect outfit for the task?  You don't believe it was purely accidental that she showed up at OSH wearing those leggings I love so much, high heels, and makeup applied with paintbrushes and shovels, do you?  The hope is for several male employees to come rushing over to assist the "little lady" with her manly shopping needs. Good Lord!
Oh look, another beach photo!  My personal favorite because those have to be posed so carefully...wouldn't want us to know you've had children and may have a bit of cellulite or a couple a stretch marks. Ah hell, who am I kidding?!  This woman photoshops the shit out of her pics.  We all know she does, but she thinks she is getting one over on us.  So sad.  Maybe the next time I see one of those shots on Facebook, and it looks like it's been snapped through a filter and retouched by a professional, I should just drop my own comment..."Are you friggin kidding me right now???"

No comments:

Post a Comment