Agree to disagree, and don't be a loud wrong

Are we adults here or what? I've got a bone to pick with some of you who claim to be fully functioning, grown ass people. When did you fall off the cross? I ask this because, as of late, I've begun to notice a trend among folks who have decided that if they can't be right, they can't be your friend. Let me try to understand the logic, if I can. If we don't see eye to eye on every topic, we are simply incompatible as chums and should terminate our relationship immediately? Or, if that be the case and we aren't friends yet, we should turn tail and go on our merry way? Never the twain shall meet again? I really need to know the answer to this conundrum because I am finding myself in the thick of it almost daily. Does a person need to have everything in common with you before you consider even speaking to them? Are you that lofty and intellectual that you require total simpatico in order to have friends?

As I get older, I've begun to gain acceptance of the fact that people are just different and not everyone is going to share my opinions on various topics. And that is perfectly fine with me, as long as you accept that fact, too. My absence of an edit button should be glaringly obvious by now and most of you have remained at my side, laughed at my ridiculousness, and are still friends with me. Amazing! Face it, I put up with your shit, too. With the constantly growing list of things that piss me off, you'd think I'd be the one to abandon ship and go it alone. But I haven't, I like you too much. I thought you liked me, as well. Boy was I wrong! And we all know how often I admit to being wrong, so this is fucking huge for me, be kind.

Should we be in each other's company having a discussion about fuck knows what, and I decide to take the opposing side, don't walk away like a pussy. Stand there and disagree with me. Prove your goddamn point to the best of your ability. Let it get heated and loud, just the way I like it. Scream, swear, gesticulate wildly...be sure that I'll be doing the same and then some. It's fun to argue a point, more so when each party is participating equally. Of course, it's more than likely that I will be the one in the right, but give me a run for my money. Pull out all the stops and lay your cards on the table. Tell me why you are right and I am (oh GOD this is funny) wrong. Attempt to sway me to your way of thinking.  Try hard, dammit! Let me have my fun. Storming off like an angry toddler is lame and weak, and gives me no joy whatsoever.

Walking away is tantamount to giving up...and that implies that you figured out that you were wrong and had nothing left to say. Boo fucking hoo. Get your ass back here and try again. Even if we don't agree at the end of the fight, and we are standing there out of breath, red-faced, with high blood pressure, we will know that we had a little bit of fun at each other's expense.  What will also come out of this is the respect we now have for each other's ability to stand up for what we believe is right and the cojones to not back down from an argument. We can just agree to disagree and move on to the next thing while preserving our relationship.That is what adults do, in case you were unclear. Always here to help.

With the onslaught of ways to communicate thanks to technology, we can argue via text, on Skype, using FaceTime, in an instant message window, or on a social media site. Text arguments take on a life of their own due to the fact that you cannot see facial expressions or hear the tone of what's being said. This actually CAUSES arguments that may not have occurred in person or on the phone. Sarcasm doesn't often translate in print, nor does a playful tease. So many take offense at something innocuous sent via text because they are unaware of the spirit in which it was sent.  All the smileys in the world can't replace a wry look accompanied by a snicker to let you know that what I said was all in fun. And so, you get your panties in a wad, I have no idea why, and we are suddenly not speaking to each other. Only YOU know why, and you aren't telling.

Social media has turned many of you into laptop snipers. Hurling your passive-aggressive comments in threads that get your knickers in a snit, trying to out bitch other bitches online, and basically engaging in a wuss war. Would you actually say those things if you were face-to-face with that person? I highly doubt it.  The computer screen is your shield and you use it as protection from the real world, with its real people while you act all sanctimonious and holier-than-thou on the internet. Usually, it's the folks who have storage closets filled with skeletons who spew the most voluminous righteous indignation. Know this, I've got your number. Not only am I aware of just how fucktarded you are, but I also know that you aren't as magnanimous as you act on Facebook. Sweeter than homemade apple pie in your stati, and nasty as day old, putrid sin when you make your appearances on the stati of others. I'd say you were bipolar but that is insulting the mentally ill, and that's fucking uncool.

One more thought comes to my mind as I sit here, those of you who don't allow others to defend themselves when they are more than capable of doing so and certainly more adept at it than you. If someone I know is offended by anything I've said, they know that they can feel free to tell me. What they also know is that I will listen and then tell them that my opinion remains the same and perhaps, if they are lucky, we can have a battle of wits. It'll be great fun, and when it's over we will laugh ourselves silly and move on to bigger and funnier concepts. Do not, I must repeat since you are so slow of mind I feel you require it, do NOT step in and speak on someone else's behalf because YOU were offended.  Did you stop for a moment and ascertain that the person you are defending is actually upset? Of course not. Why would you? It's your panties that got all bunched up, so actually, you were speaking on your own behalf under the pretense of defending the innocent. Silly, silly boob.

As adults living together on this beautiful planet, we need to reach some kind of agreement about how we are going to deal with the issue of being unique individuals with differing opinions. We can snap and snipe at each other and drive away what few real friends we have with our inability to pull our heads out of our asses long enough to have intelligent discourse. OR, we can accept each other's differences, respect others' right to express those differences, and stop being a loud wrong. Opinions are not facts, they are not based in science, and cannot be proven. Basing your opinion on something you don't know makes you an ass clown. Arguing about it makes you a bitch. Doing it publicly where everyone else can see how stupid you are makes you a buffoon. Learn how to argue, have fun screaming and cursing, channel your inner Queens Italian and gesture like a mofo, and then let it go. Don't hold onto it like a security blanket, it couldn't protect you then and it won't help you now. Are you friggin kidding me right now???