1. Never stop being you. Don't even open your face hole to say "duh" to me about this. You'd be shocked to learn how many people become carbon copies of their spouses instead of remaining the person with whom their spouse fell in love. If your mate likes hunting, it doesn't mean that in order to remain married, you must go hunting with him! Buy him hunting gear for Christmas, by all means. But under no circumstances attempt to transform yourself into the Great White Hunter and join him on his expeditions. There are two reasons for this: hunting is HIS time with the guys...to fart, talk like a sailor, and feel all manly when he bags an 8 pointer. The other reason is that he didn't fall in love with himself...if he did, he'd still be beating off to the Victoria's Secret catalog in his bachelor pad and not married to you. The person you were and still should be is what knocked him head over heels. The chick who likes to make margaritas for her friends every Wednesday so they can discuss the latest episode of New Girl is the one he loves. The one who plays tennis and Rock Band, she's the apple of his eye. Not the girl sporting the camouflage and bright orange vest pretending to LOVE the thrill of the hunt. Lose yourself and you lose everything. Don't be that dipshit.
2. Talk. Another opportunity for you to face palm and get frustrated with me, I know. Yet, right now, I'm feeling the same about you. At the present moment you are likely to be thinking, "I talk to him all fucking day long. How much more can we possibly have to say to each other? We discuss the kids' schedules, dinner, who's picking up the pizza on the way home from work, which set of parents to spend what holiday with...what else is there?" That's the fucking point! While I realize that marriage is a partnership wherein the partners DO need to work out the details of daily living, that doesn't mean that it isn't an intense relationship based upon friendship, a deep concern for the other, and respect for their opinions. What does this mean? Have a fucking conversation! The same way you'd call a friend and talk for hours about everything under the sun, look your mate in the eyes and actually talk. Talk about your day, about something you read in the newspaper that pissed you off, about how the way your boss speaks to you makes you feel like shanking him, about how you feel as an adult with no living parents and what that means to you. Reminisce, tell childhood stories...both flattering and embarrassing...don't ever stop learning new things about each other. When you stop talking, really talking, you stop knowing the person you crawl into bed with every night.
3. Fight. Yes, I said fight. Stuffing your feelings down into your gut only hurts you and allows the situation to remain the same...and if it didn't bother you, you wouldn't have feelings to stuff down. Don't be afraid to express your feelings, good or bad. Let out a scream, curse, stomp your feet, huff and puff and pout if that's how you feel. It's perfectly OK to disagree sometimes. It's part of being who you are and not just a clone of your mate. Be prepared to hear screaming on the other end, cursing, and some stomping. Couples who claim they never fight are living in a ticking time bomb, not a healthy relationship. Nobody agrees 100% of the time, it's illogical and virtually impossible. Accepting the differences, acknowledging the fact that he will piss you off and you will annoy the shit out of him once in a while, and knowing that you'll come out on the other end of stronger are the components of a truly bonded relationship, one that has the potential to last past the honeymoon phase.
4. Maintain a sense of humor. Seems easy enough, yet so many forget how to do it when it comes to their mate. People are goddamn funny. Step back, watch, and listen. They are fucking hysterical! So is your partner. Hard to believe when they've left the toilet seat up for the 7 bazillionth time, but it's true. Let's explore my marriage for a moment. My husband is the guy in Target who walks up the aisles making fart noises and saying "vagiiiiinnnnaaa" in different voices. As you already know, I have no edit button. Imagine what life is like in my house. Exactly. People are hilarious and when you remember that in dealing with your husband or wife, you'll develop an appreciation for them...the same appreciation others who truly like them have. If you watch how their friends react to your spouse, you'll start to see them in a whole new light. Or, if you're really paying attention, you will see the person with whom you fell head over heels all those years ago. What I'm trying to say, if it was funny 10 years ago...if it drew you to him...it's funny now, it's what keeps you attracted all those years later.
There are so many other things that form the glue that bond two people together, but I feel that these four are the keystones of any great relationship. Knock one out and the whole structure begins to crumble at your feet and you find yourself living with a stranger you barely like anymore. Trust me, I'm not making this shit up. Ask your favorite long-standing couple, they'll agree with me. Better yet, ask one of your friends who wasn't quite so fortunate in the love department. See which one of the four collapsed first. Learn from their mistakes so you don't have to make them. Are you friggin kidding me right now???
