Saturday, February 27, 2016

Overprotective Parents are Raising Unprepared Adults: Part One

When I first thought about this topic, I wanted to address the folks that still resided in my old neck of the woods. Almost daily on Facebook, there is some form of whining and expressions of discomfort about raising children in today's world coming from people I remember being far more badass than this. Life is too hard and scary ramblings are causing me to slowly lose my fucking mind. Never was there a day in my life that I felt like basic first world problems would provide a gigantic stumbling block which would prevent me from living a happy life. Yet, as I looked at these complaints online, I started to wonder if I was being too harsh. Quickly, I had determined that not only was I not being too harsh, but I discovered that it wasn't only those who originally hailed from my old stomping grounds. It's all of you! What in the hell happened to being grown ass people with testicular fortitude, common sense, and the ability to let the bullshit roll off our backs so we can focus on the real meat of life? More specifically, my real question is this...why have we become such a soft, easily frightened, overly offended, hyper protective society? Furthermore, does anyone who fits this description think we are doing our children a favor by behaving like this?

While there are so fucking many areas where this type of veal-creating nonsense is prevalent, I have a select few that I'd like to bring to your attention. Beginning with the cries of fear that their delicate little flowers will be injured at the park or on the playground. Constantly looking for what they feel are saftey infractions, these moms will rant and rave about how there isn't enough cushioning underneath the play structures, and ask Jesus and whoever else why the slides are so hot and the openings at the top of the slide aren't barricaded to prevent falls. And OMG, the monkey bars are so high and the sides of the sandbox have spaces for little fingers to get caught!!! Committees are formed and meetings are held. Letters are written to the appropriate board of playground vealification and families are up in arms. How can we take our children outside to play  in carefully selected playgroups with children who have been pre-screened and vetted by a panel of experts and proven to be perfectly matched if the goddamn playgrounds are fucking landmines of peril?

Hold on there, Sally Safety! Didn't you grow up in the same era that I did? Correct me if I am wrong, and I don't believe that I am, but didn't you slide down metal slides in August while wearing shorts? Those of us over 40 certainly recall the slide burns on the backs of our thighs that didn't stop us from climbing the ladder and doing it again and again. We eventually cooled off the surface with our asses and had fun. Who among you hasn't fallen off the jungle gym, while hanging upside down from your knees onto the concrete below? I daresay everyone my age has done some variation on this theme. We even, GASP, stood up on swings and jumped off while mid-swing! Can you imagine doing this in front of today's parents? A fleet of ambulances would have to be called to take the crowd of unconscious mommies who've just suffered a cardiac event to the nearest hospital.



Skinned elbows, banged up chins, chipped teeth, twisted ankles...we have all felt the roughness of the concrete tearing through our flesh and pounding our bones as we fell from what would now be considered a perilous height while playing. Those of us who have experienced this bit of pain also learned what not to do the next time we went to the park. This type of education, otherwise known as acqurining common sense, can only happen when you are allowed to make mistakes. You cannot learn from the mistakes you haven't made and you can't become stronger and wiser if you go through life surrounded by padding and barriers. How will you know not to climb quite so high if you don't fall and figure out that it hurt like a fucker? Because mommy said so? Um, no. That's why kids test boundaries in the first place...to figure out how far they can push. How high can I climb? How far can I jump and still land on my feet? How fast can I go without winding up in the ER getting a cast? Maybe it will take several casts and many, many stitches before some will have developed this life skill. A few will seemingly never learn as children, but will apply this knowledge later on in adulthood.

Think for a moment and tell me why our kids can no longer go anywhere unattended. Why can't they take a bus or train to reach a destination? Heaven forbid they ride a bike or walk to a friend's house to play. Is the world really that different? We hear about the tragedies that befall children on the news only because they are being made more visible to the public. Shit happened all the time when we were kids. Doesn't anyone recall the warnings about vans hanging out by our schools and making sure you walked to and from school with a friend? I do. I remember having nightmares about it, but what I don't recall was anything in my life changing due to my mom's irrational fear of allowing me to leave the house alone. That's because she didn't have it. She knew that she taught me well, gave me all the tools I needed, and had allowed me to make my way in the great, wide world on foot from a young age. Crazies have existed since the dawn of time, we just didn't have their diagnoses to elicit paranoid responses. We went about our lives, playing in the streets or in the schoolyards, no grown ups to be found. And somehow, some way, we managed to return home when it started to get dark. We even took buses and trains to school that were not yellow and did not have SCHOOL BUS plastered across the sides. Public transportation all by ourselves. We'd meet our friends and pile on these clunky, dirty buses together. Riding to school on the same buses that actual adults were on, trying to get to work. And we were just fine. We'd return home the same way, in one piece and unharmed. Shocking!

There are so many more topics I'd like to discuss with you, but I want you to have the time and opportunity to digest what I have said today. The point here is this, we can't protect our children from life and nor should we if we want to send them out into the world as safe, independently functioning adults. How many of you would like your children living with you at age 35 with no foreseeable move out date? Show of hands. Right. I didn't think so. We are the adults we are, scars and all, because we were permitted to fall, to fuck up, to get hurt. There are no band aids big enough to cover the giant wound you are creating in your child's future adult self by preventing him from learning the hard way at least once in a while. Am I that parent? Are you friggin kidding me right now???