11. I can't!!!: Seemingly simple to most, but so complex to anyone who hails from my 'hood. It doesn't mean the inability to do something, rather it's an exclamation of being unable to deal with something that is so funny, so ridiculous, so annoying, so stupid, or so anything we choose not to deal with at the moment. "Oh jeez, Vinny, you can really telling a fuckin' joke! Oh, shit, I'm gonna piss my pants! I can't, oh please stop already, I can't!!!" Can also be paired to create the phrase, I can't no more! We are not illiterate, but when something is unbearable for whatever reason, this phrase seems to express it better than a litany of verbiage and explanation like you non-NY'ers are fond of using; usually prompting us to beg you to stop the insanity, invoking, "I can't, just stop, I can't!!!"
12. Close the light: Again, I'd like to repeat that we are NOT grammatically challenged. However, our parents, God bless them, while they tried to sound classier than they probably were, often failed due to their own immersion in the world of broken English while growing up. Being a chronically forgetful person when it comes to turning off the light when I leave a room, I heard Ma, yelling after me multiple times per day, "Close the light, did you remember to close the light??" Being a wise ass, I'd always ask her exactly how I was going to close a light and what were her techniques. Luckily, she had an amazing sense of humor or I'd have gotten the slipper. Those of you who grew up in my area, during the 70's and 80's know exactly what I mean.
13. She thinks who the hell she is, that one: Okay, okay, by now you don't believe me and are thinking that none of us made it past 4th grade. I get it. Because WE have odd little colloquialisms that are regionally specific, we are fucking morons. Since, "colder than a witch's tit" is so much more intelligent sounding, and of course, might I just add "hella" to solidify my point. The phrase gracing the #13 position means just what you may imagine it means, that this bitch thinks a bit too highly of herself. Much like those of you who don't hail from the greatest place on Earth.
14. Your mother's ass: Ever slam your toe with brute force right into the hardest wood furniture you have in the middle of the night? If you did, and you lived in Queens, you've screamed, "Your mother's ass" at the top of your lungs. It's an expletive and a way to tell someone that they are full of shit. Pure and simple. Should someone be trying to pull the wool over your eyes, nothing calls bullshit better than, "Your mother's ass" does.
15. Agita: Heartburn. Well, that and what someone gives you when they are being a royal pain in your ass. Coming from aceto which is vinegar, we've decided that it is far easier to pronounce our way and conveys many more messages than just naming a condiment. As kids, we all gave our Ma an abundance of agita anytime we talked back or had a smart mouth. Personally, I thought my mouth was always smart, but Ma didn't always appreciate what came out of it.
16. Gavone: A big fucking doofus who eats like they have two assholes. We all knew someone or were related to someone who ate like one. We were also warned before eating at someone else's house to NOT eat like one.
17. MenzzaMenzz: Never wanting to appear like everything was going fantastic, lest risking the ever-feared malocch', it was the response most frequently heard when asked, "How YOU doin'?" A neighbor asks you how work is going, the answer should always be "menzzamenzz" since you know their son has been looking for work for eight months now, and had to move back in with your neighbor, and God only knows what that bitch would wish on your employment status should you tell the truth about your recent raise and promotion.
18. Musciad: What you don't want your macaroni to be, or how you feel when you have the flu and don't want to get out of bed. Pronounced MOOSH-AD, the actual word is ammosciati, meaning mushy or wilted. Exactly what your johnson should not be when asked to salute. "I don't know what's wrong, I just feel musciad today."
19. Skeeve: Something or someone who is dirty and disgusting. There was one in every class, usually the nose-picker and farter. "That fucking kid, he's such a skeeve!" From the Italian, schifo, meaning nausea, disgust, or loathing, this permutation of the word seems to nail it so much more succinctly.
20. Vafongool: Fuck you, go fuck yourself. Usually accompanied by serious hand and arm gestures, it was something they didn't care if kids heard, but holy shit, we couldn't say it! Pronounced VA-FON-GOOL, it comes from the words vai a fare in or nel culo, meaning "stick it up your ass" and is used to express extreme anger. When Ma was mad at someone on the other end of the phone, she'd cup the mouthpiece to silence it enough to sing "vafongoolaaaaaaa" until she could get a word in edgewise and hopefully end the call.
I'm fairly certain that I've overloaded you yet again. As you practice these words and phrases, keep in mind, they are bastardized Italian and forms of broken English, not the ramblings of the functionally illiterate. Most of my generation of Queens Italians did go to college and beyond, we know how to speak properly when we want to...but we also know how to cut to the chase and say what we mean. Are you friggin kidding me right now???
The prelude...Queens/Italian English, A Lesson in Linguistics
The Conclusion...Queens?Italian English: Lesson #3, the Final Chapter
Further explanation: Italians are Better Than Everyone
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