The bitch doth protest too much, methinks

Shakespeare knew his shit. In Hamlet, he gave this line to Queen Gertrude when she claimed that the Player Queen affirmed far too strongly and so, lost credibility. Not what you thought it meant, I know. Most people are Shakespeare-challenged, which makes me very disappointed in the lot of you. Luckily for you all, my love for the Bard allows me to teach you a thing or two regarding the snarky methods of expression in his plays. When someone is too insistent about a topic, a red flag goes up in my head. Do you know what the flag says? In bold, black lettering, it announces, "This bitch is full of shit!" The opposite of a loud wrong, this person is hell-bent on convincing you that what they say is true, and heads to the mountaintops to state their case.

I'd prefer they head to the mountaintops, I may get lucky and they'll fall off.  Unfortunately, Lady Luck isn't my bestie, and so these fuckwads don't run for higher ground when they are trying to convince me of their side of the story. Instead, they bore me to tears in person, ranting and raving on and on about how only truth drips from their thin, lying lips. In person, it doesn't take much for me to see that you are blowing smoke up my ass. Your posture, your tone, your body language...all these and more, make it quite apparent that you are working overtime to convince me. The funny thing is, I've noticed that while you think you are convincing me, the person who really NEEDS convincing is YOU! The harder you work, the more you are telling me that even you don't believe the story.

Others take to the internet to convince the masses that they are telling the gospel truth. This happens more so when they've been called out on their bullshit...publicly. Scurrying to make sure that their story is believed over mine, for example, they post and comment like psychotics, attempting to negate what I've said. The fact is, if I've called you out in front of God and everyone, I'm right, you're not. Plain and simple. If your story had a shred of truth, you'd not have to convince anyone. As a matter of fact, most folks who make legitimate claims, don't bother fighting the naysayers. They know their story is completely valid and have no worries about one heckler in the audience tearing it down. Yet, the topic keeps rearing its ugly head every time I turn my computer on. Is convincing the rest of the world so important to you? Is proving me wrong even more important? Or is it that you are working so hard to convince yourself? I know the answer...because I know I'm not a crucial enough part of your life to haven taken up so much of your time.  Or am I?

This kind of internet battle is very immature, and only the biggest losers and liars tend to initiate this type of public display. My status postings reflect my view of the world, life, and sometimes, regarding certain people. By the time I've hit POST, I've thought very carefully about each word I'm flinging out into cyberspace. I may have researched the concept, had a discussion about it with a friend or two, or come to a conclusion about it all on my own. Those things may vary, but one factor is consistent, I'm never wrong. Not one to hit send before I re-read a text, I can assure you, if my words are hitting the masses, they have complete and total validity. This is not to say I don't make typos, because Lord knows, between my fat fingers and senior moments, I have made my share of errors. But I will not post incorrect information, fabrications, or call someone out unless I am positive they are full of shit. Unlike these, dipwads, I will not make a fool of myself publicly.

As adults, we can agree to disagree. If you don't feel that something I've said applies to you, I really don't care. You are entitled to disagree with me. When you feel the need to go public with your disagreement and try to prove me wrong, you've walked into a gun battle with a pocketknife. By the time I've pointed a finger, I've gathered all the necessary information, included my own personal experiences, and stated the facts as I see them. Your lack of intellect coupled with your flimsy version of the truth is no match for this broad. My ass cheeks are smarter than you on any given day. Don't even bother trying to disprove anything I've said, life is too short, and it's a waste of your precious time. I'm sure there are hundreds of other things you could be doing rather than making an ass of yourself and making me look even more intellectually superior. That isn't your goal is it? Each time you take a swing with that pocketknife, I'm only going to fire off another gut-splitting round into your liver. The smart thing to do is let it go. Smarter would be to own up to my greatness and admit that what I've said is 100% valid and true. But I have no great expectations for you at this point.

Here's what you should have learned today. The harder you try to convince me and everyone else of your story, the more glaringly evident it is that you are really trying to convince yourself. By extension of that, if you have to convince yourself, it's crystal clear that you are full of shit. When you choose to either tell tall tales or disagree with my hard-core facts, I will call you out. This will be public, painful, and hard to disprove. Attempting to disprove me will result in your looking like a fucktard, and continue to display me in a favorable and far more intelligent light. For that, I thank you. However, I don't need your help in that area of my life. My brilliance shines brightly with or without you. A life without you would be preferable, but since it isn't likely to occur, learn when to keep your flap trap shut and your fingers off the keyboard. I have no problem exposing you for who you really are.  Are you friggin kidding me right now???