1. Gay: This one is on the top of my list for a reason. I loathe people who use this word to describe something lame, stupid, useless, ugly, hideous, foolish or silly. Not one of the gay people I know fit those adjectives and I will be goddamned if you think it's appropriate to use that word in a derogatory fashion. Years ago, gay meant happy and jolly. If that's what you mean, then by all means, say it with gusto! But if you are trying to put someone or something down, dig deep and come up with another way to describe them. Using gay in a negative way makes YOU a jackass.
2. Retarded: A close second, this word is just as offensive. Why do you think I say "fucktarded" instead? If you want to call someone uncool, absurd, dull, irrational, or careless, then do it. When you call them retarded, do you realize what you are saying? Retarded refers to someone who is mentally, developmentally, and functionally delayed. Is that really what you mean? If it is, and it is true, there's no need to say it out loud. They are already living a life filled with challenges that shouldn't include dealing with a fucking buffoon like you. Plus, it makes you look like your IQ is less than stellar. Didn't think of that, did you?
3. Fat: Unless you are referring to my cat, this word should never erupt from your drooling lips. Using this word only emphasizes your own insecurities and poor body image. Are you perfect? Is there not one ounce of cellulite, blubber, or pudge on your body? Should that be the case, be happy and appreciate what you have without looking to judge others. Nine times out of ten, the rudeness spews from the mouth of someone, shall we say, less than slim? Maybe you think the person doesn't know how much they weigh, or perhaps you aren't certain they have mirrors. Guess what, ass hat? We are all aware of each and every roll, bump, and fluffy area. Know what else? Some of us rock those curves like a fucking boss. Others may be somewhere along their weight loss journey. A few may be depressed or have an actual medical condition. Keep your opinions to yourself. Mine are the only ones that need be public.
4. Bitch: You say it like it's a bad thing. Let's begin with the basic definition of bitch, which is a female dog. Is she really a canine? If not, then consider what it is that offends you about her. Did she speak her mind? Has she put you in your place? I'm not seeing an issue yet. Was she being petty or catty? Then for fuck's sake call her that! The word bitch today means so much more and should be considered an empowering word rather than saying that being a woman is inherently bad. Bitches get things done. They are strong and powerful and don't take shit from the likes of you. Maybe that's why it has negative undertones for you. Check your own low self-esteem and deal with it. Should a woman be a real piece of work, by all means, call her a cunt. I'll understand you and the meaning will be clear. Save bitch for women you admire.
5. Nerd: Personally, I think nerds rule. Having been called this throughout my academic career by people who needed my help or wanted to cheat off my tests, I can say that the term never offended me. Just because I was smart and didn't smoke behind the dumpsters with the rest of the losers, I was nerdy. Nerds are highly intelligent and have interests other than chasing tail, drinking till they puke, getting into trouble, and acting like an ass clown. Funny how when your computer is on the fritz or you need help with all of your technological toys, you ask a "nerd" for help. Maybe you should have focused more on your school work instead of looking up skirts and you'd be able to fix that problem yourself. When you can't write an essay or answer a simple question on a job application, and you come to me, this nerd helps you look smarter. Like I tell my daughter, today's nerd is tomorrow's successful adult. People only mock what they can never be. Sorry you're dumb as a box of rocks. I'd much rather be an intellectual badass any day.
This is only the beginning of your road to not being a total douche bag. I didn't want to overload your minimal intellectual capacity. Use these words carefully and with great caution. They can suit the situation when used appropriately, or they can irritate the living fuck out of those around you who know better. Think before you speak...or one day you'll lose that ability altogether. I use intellect and the typed word to help you. Someone may just decide the easiest way to shut you up is with a punch in the throat. Do you have a preference? I know I do. Are you friggin kidding me right now???
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