50 Shades of Shut the Fuck Up Already

Would we be so up in arms if the main characters were reversed? Would angry moms be protesting outside movie theaters if the man was being dominated? I am going to go out on a limb and say hell to the no. But we all jump ugly when we perceive something as a crime against women. Do you know what domestic violence actually is? Another time I'm going to stretch here and say you haven't a fucking clue because you never lived with it, never witnessed it, never survived to tell the story. Yet, here you are, screaming with righteous indignation about a book trilogy that was turned into a movie. Did you actually read all three books? Do you understand the lifestyle? And do you also comprehend that things are made more dramatic for Hollywood? The movie bears some resemblance to the book, but not completely, as is the usual way for Hollywood to treat such things. It's neither bad nor good. It just is. Why the raging fury?

Let's start with your laundry list of how Christian is abusing Ana.

1. He is a stalker. I'll give you that. This is a man with way too much power and he is used to getting what he wants. He actually has no idea how to approach the situation. If you read the whole book, you'll see he is ignorant as fuck about this. He is trying to feel out the situation, figure her out, determine if she would be amenable to his desires. Trust me when I tell you, his intent was not to intimidate or scare her. Had he done that, would she have succumbed to his wishes? She'd have called the cops and let them deal with him. He intrigued her. Mission accomplished.

2. He tells her when to eat and what to eat. I'm going in two directions with this one. One, she is horrid at taking care of herself. That is evidenced throughout. She is young and foolish. He was looking out for her best interest. However, you can say he was being controlling. Fine, he is being controlling. Did you also know that in the BDSM scene, the dom often controls when the sub pisses and shits? Bet you didn't. They remove the burden of decision-making and take over even the basic stuff. It's part of dominating someone. Some only order their sub around and never touch them. In their scene, it works for them. It's another world, a world you don't understand. That's fine, as long as you don't stand in judgement of it.

3. He "takes" her against her will. Does he? Really? Are you determining this based on Hollywood's sensationalizing the content of the book? Are you fearful of a lifestyle you don't understand? Allow me to enlighten you a bit. The submissive holds all the power in a BDSM scene. He/she decides how far, how much, to continue or to stop. The submissive is the person handing over their body to the Dom. The Dom isn't taking it. Sex against one's will is rape. Sex in which a rape fantasy is fulfilled is not actual rape. Note the difference. Remember, there was a contract in the movie and the book. She eventually asks for it to be amended. She knew exactly what she was getting into right from the start. She could have told him to go fuck himself six ways from Sunday. Did she? No. She didn't sign right off the bat. But she did have all the details laid out before her. Imagine that. Informed consent.

4.  He whips her until she cries. Again, I present to you the lifestyle you don't seem to comprehend. Sometimes a sub cries. It doesn't mean they don't like it. Some subs want to cry. They want to release the inner demons that are trapped inside them and this is a viable way to do it for them. The safeword is created to prevent a scene from going too far. It stops the pain, the humiliation, the too-intense moment immediately. Some are looking for that intensity, while some are looking to just get to that point right before the safeword becomes necessary. It's a delicate balance. One to be determined between the Dom and the Sub, but ultimately decided upon by the...you guessed it, the SUB. She was always in control, much to your uninformed and ignorant dismay.

5.  BDSM is all about violence. This is Domestic Violence, dammit. What the fuck are you even talking about? Nothing could be further from the truth. It does not come from a desire to hurt someone. Not in that way. DV is a horrific thing and one I don't wish on my worst enemy. I wish she gets far worse. Back to the topic. Domestic violence and BDSM share one thing in common and I think that is what confuses the fuck out of you tiny-brained fucktards. They both come from a place of control. DV is seeking it. BDSM is sharing it. Yes, I said sharing. The sub wants to relinquish control, so he/she passes it over, willingly, to the dom. In cases of DV, the abuser wants control and attempts to usurp it from the abused by any means necessary. Without prior consent and without anyone's pleasure in mind. The abuser doesn't even get pleasure out of doing what he/she does. The BDSM scene is based on mutual pleasure, whether you see it or not. They both get something out of it. Something positive. I can sense your shock. Poor Pollyanna.

6. I don't want this to be what my 13 year old perceives to be a healthy relationship. I want her to respect herself and not allow a boy to hurt her. Well, DUH. No one wants their daughter abused. But this isn't what we are talking about. That is not what the trilogy is about. It's about an erotic fantasy, played out by the author. It's not even accurate so far as the BDSM world is concerned. What we are looking at is the darker side of sexual fetishism. We aren't peering into the lives of the abused, nor are we saying that this is the standard by which our very young daughters should base their future relationships. Furthermore, allow me to pose a question of you. Why the fuck are you taking your 13 year old daughter to this movie? It is R rated, so she can't get in on her own. Do you always watch soft porn with your kids? And you are criticizing the movie? Seriously? This shouldn't affect younger children in any way. And if you are completely honest with your spawn, they will already know what is healthy in a relationship and what isn't. They will also have the good sense and testicular fortitude to know what they like and what they don't like and be able to speak their mind to those points when needed. Do your job and let Hollywood do its job, which is to entertain me.

All this ignorant righteous indignation has given me a fucking headache. You people drive me absolutely insane with your chest pounding and soapbox preaching about what's right and wrong. Why don't you worry about what goes on in your own backyard and leave the fun stuff to me? Clearly you can't handle anything beyond your very sterile and vanilla life. And, hey, to each his/her own. I'm not the one standing on the street corner yelling about your insistence on missionary with the lights off on alternate Tuesdays. If you think for one minute you are going to stop the movie from being played in every theatre from here to Timbuktu, you are as crazy and stupid as I've imagined you to be. While you're busy protesting the movie, have a peek in the back of your husband's sock drawer. I'll bet his porn collection will send you spinning on your axis. Everyone has deep, dark secrets...fantasies that only exist in their minds. Check out the sock drawer if you think I'm wrong. I'm never wrong. Are you friggin kidding me right now???