1. Parenting: If you find an article about parenting that fascinates the shit out of you, fan-fucking-tastic! Should it help you through a rough time you are having with your own family, awesome. Maybe you'd like to share it with the entire planet. Stop right there and back away from the computer. Not everyone in the world gives a shit. Not everyone wants to hear your problems. But...and here's where it can get a bit messy...when you aren't even a parent, you need to shut the fuck up. I can't tell you how many people I see posting parenting/right to life/common core shit who have never even been pregnant much less have actual children of their own. No, being an aunt, godmother, neighbor does not qualify you to have an opinion on these topics. As much as you think you know...you know SQUAT. Until you've actually been there, your knowledge can be placed on the head of a pin leaving room for a dance party. Childless people seem to be the most opinionated on these topics...takes a particular kind of balls, don't you think? Ask women who've gone through labor and delivery if they want your opinion about natural childbirth, for example. I'd be willing to bet you should steer clear of them when expressing these opinions, unless you want your uterus pulled out through your mouthhole.
2. Gun control: So many of you fuckers posting about gun control don't know the first thing about responsible gun ownership, have never owned a gun, nor have you been in the presence of one. Yet, you are scared shitless of the concept of anyone in the world owning one aside from police officers and the military. Let me ask you this question, and I have asked it before, do you think criminals buy their weapons from reputable gun shops? Moreover, do you think they are subject to a background check and waiting period when they buy their guns out of the back of a van in a deserted alley from some dude who goes only by the name Killer? When I go out to buy a gun, I am subject to all kinds of checks, a waiting period, and I need my current certificate. When Inmate #37698 gets his gun, he just hands Killer cash in an envelope and is handed the weapon in a paper bag. Note the differences. Keeping guns out of the hands of law abiding citizens is like keeping forks out of the hands of the kids at fat camps. Neither serves any good purpose. Plus, you are taking away a means to protect ourselves and families from Inmate #37698 when he busts through our front door brandishing his new "gat" and threatening to kill everyone in the fucking house. What are you thinking? People who do not practice safe gun ownership should be shot with their own weapon, I totally agree. But the grand majority of us have gun safes...that stay locked. Another question that begs asking, have you been personally affected by gun violence? I'll answer that for you, NO. Crying about what happens on the news doesn't count. Get back to me when you've lost a loved one to a round of ammo.
3. Recipe flooders: You know who you are. You've all become either master chefs or health nuts. But have you really? If you find a recipe that looks fantastic, try it out at home. Should it come out perfectly, taste amazing, and look like something out of a magazine...post it for all of us to ooh and ahhh. But stop flooding my timeline with ridiculous and basic shit. If you didn't know how to cook vegetables with garlic and oil before locating the recipe on the internet, that's a huge problem in your personal kitchen. One that can't be fixed by posting it on Facebook. I'm sorry you didn't grow up Italian, but as I've said before, not everyone can be Italian...but everyone wishes they were. On the flip side, if you find something incredibly difficult but that looks beautiful, feel free to post with the admission of, "Boy, I sure wish I could make something like that" because that is the truth. Also, when I see you posting all this healthy shit like you actually eat that way, I have to laugh. Ooh, look at the gluten-free, no carb, low cal, no fat thing I posted...I'm such a healthy eater! Right. Then, three hours later you check in at the drive thru at your local McDonald's. Ummm, WTF? Did you think you fooled us with the Paleo recipe from earlier? Believe me when I say that you, in all your SuperSized eating glory, are fooling no one.
4. College Campus Dangers: Well, then. Let's start with asking you a fairly simple question. When was the last time you stepped foot on a college campus? How many decades was it? Right. Exactly my point. Because nine out of ten frightened little veal posters haven't been in college for over 20 years. Eight out of ten don't even have kids nearly old enough to be applying to college...forget about living on a distant campus away from your smothering arms. OMG, there's rape running rampant on campuses because there are no rules about drinking there. They have no policy about saying no and that NO means NO. REALLY? Is that what you believe? No rules? So, I send my kid to a school devoid of rules meant for her safety? Absolutely. And I pay for it, too. What kind of drugs do you take when you sit and Google the shit you find and post on this topic? My daughter's school is a DRY school and has very serious rules and consequences for those who can't take NO for an answer. The girls have rape whistles. Does this sound unsafe and without rules? Ahhh, but you had no fucking idea, did you? You just read about some redneck schools in the middle of bumfuck 'Murica having issues with drunken consent and assumed it was happening everywhere. You assumed and you posted it complete with your ignorant opinion. Did you realize how fucktarded you sounded right after you hit the blue "post" button? Of course you didn't. You sat there in your little righteous world, without a clue on earth regarding your article share, feeling superior to everyone else. Probably even me. Dumb bitch doesn't know what goes on in her own daughter's school. She should read this motherfucking article before she lets that child go back into that Caligula-ass lion's den of drunken debauchery. She'll be sorry, mark my words. If I shake my head any harder, I'll lose all my fucking marbles. Dumb ass.
Let's be honest with each other, you don't know shit. You think you have a wide body of knowledge that begs to be shared with the rest of the world, but in reality, you are simply an ignorant twatburger who wants people to like and agree with something you've said. A pathetic attention whore. Losing respect for people like this happens so quickly for me that I barely notice it occurring. But the effects are deep-rooted and long-lasting. Once I think you have committed douche baggery, I can't unsee the damage you've done. Forever will you be that asshole. Are you frigging kidding me right now???
For the rest of my opinions on your stupidity:
You Don't Know Shit, Part 2
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