Little sisters all over the world, listen up! Stop cushioning your words with apologies, explanations, and justifications...now. I can think of no reason on God's green earth for you to have to continue to say, "just kidding" every fucking time you sling a well-placed barb at someone. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, whether it be positive or negative. Yet, here we are in 2017, and girls and women are still perceived to be bitchy and irrational when they express themselves in a way that is something other than demure and agreeable to men. Fuck that noise! We are intelligent, educated, rational, logical, and free-thinking human beings and deserve to be heard and respected.
How often do we hear ourselves saying, "I'm sorry" throughout the day? Fucking apologizing for being alive. So many instances of assuming we won't be met with a favorable response all day, every day. We have been conditioned to think our words don't matter and that if we do say something funny or off-color, it will likely be met with anger and rejection. Are you out of your fucking mind? Some of the funniest people I know and respect are women. No woman should feel that they can't be sarcastic or use observational humor simply because men may not like it. Fuck them. Sarcasm is the verbal tool of the clever and smart. No one should be excluded from this club. I've compiled a list of phrases we should eradicate from our conversations forever.
"I'm sorry to bother you." Why must you assume that your presence is a bother? Do men walk into a room and apologize for being there? How often do you hear that happening? Women believe that their mere existence causes people distress and have been taught from a young age to ask for forgiveness each time they require attention. I call bullshit. As children, we thrive from receiving attention from our parents as well as other family members and caregivers. Humans need attention and shouldn't be afraid to ask for it. Somewhere along the way, girls are given the message that they no longer need attention and asking for it is rude and annoying. Um, since when? You have something I need, I am going to ask you for it. I won't demand it, that's fucking rude. But I will ask you directly with no bowing and scraping involved. We are all human beings and therefore, all equals.
"I hope I'm not being a pain." Again, I implore you to explain to me how existing on this planet and opening your mouth is somehow painful to others. What are you saying or doing that is so awful that you need to hope it isn't an annoyance to another person? I know that for me, if someone walks into a room looking for me, they must want to speak to me, and that is nothing I can't handle. Maybe, just maybe, other people are such fucking sensitive snowflakes that the possibility of having to deal with another human is somewhat painful. That is another topic. The point here is that you are not a pain. You are you. Say what you need to say without constantly filtering it through some sort of good-smelling, pretty sounding whitewash.
"This is probably stupid, but..." Let me stop you right there. Don't ever say that in my presence. Never assume your words are anything but wise and intelligent. Prejudging yourself before you've had the opportunity to give your message is demeaning at best. Engaging in negative self-talk out loud to another person is simply wrong. You are basically telling the other person that what you are about to say is dumb and worthless...giving them the message that you are wasting their time. Let's stop acting like we have nothing of value to say and that our ideas don't matter. You came up with the fucking idea...let it rip! Living in fear of the opinions of others is a colossal waste of time and energy. The only opinion of you that matters is your own.
"Sorry, just kidding." No, you aren't kidding. Why say it if it isn't true? I can tell you why you do it. Fear. Fear of being rejected. Fear of not being liked. Fear of not being seen as sweet and kind. Fear of being thought of as bitchy or mean. If you feel like throwing a bit of sarcasm someone's way, you don't need to jump in front of it to protect the "victim" from being hit. The person to whom you are speaking usually is quite clear as to whether or not you are kidding around. There's no need to cushion the blow...takes all the fun out of it. Envision a bunch of guys hanging around, hurling well-placed insults at each other. They are all laughing and giving as good as they are getting. Fist bumping and high-fiving the fuck out of each other. Same situation, make the group female. Awkward giggles and "just kidding" and "sorrreee" flowing like water down a hill. Seriously? Own your sarcasm like a fucking boss!!! Pound your chest and take credit for the verbal barb.
"I was just wondering...did that make sense?" Um, what the actual fuck? Did you just speak in another language peppered with gibberish? Asking that implies you have said something that is pure nonsense and should immediately be discounted. What's worse is when you ask if something you said makes sense, you are telling the listener that your speech is unclear, convoluted, and moronic. That is not the message we are trying to send about women in 2017!!! Christ on a crunchy cracker, you can't possibly believe that your words mean nothing and are hard to understand because you don't have the ability to express yourself intelligently. Yet another way we downplay what we have to say and suck the importance right out of our own words. Speak with authority and confidence, even if you aren't totally convinced you are right. Men use that trick all the time and have you ever noticed that their ideas are more well-received in meetings and in the workplace? It's no fucking coincidence. Presentation is crucial and don't for one second think that the manner in which you address someone has no effect on how they receive what you've said.
"Did I do this right?" Do you really want to know or are you seeking approval? Ask yourself that before those words leave your lips. Should you have embarked upon a new journey and have absolutely no idea how what you've done will turn out, then feel free to ask for some sort of validation. Learning should continue to happen over the course of your entire lifetime. However, and this is a big fucking however, if you know goddamn well that not only do you know how to do that particular task, but you also know you rock it, don't you dare ask if you've done it right. Pretending to be stupid or helpless is as unattractive as hell and only for the weak. You are NOT weak and you certainly aren't stupid. Why act like you are? Radiate confidence and let the world know that you are smart and capable. Gone are the days of attracting a man by pretending to be as useless as tits on a bull. The man who finds that appealing is likely to be an asshole and you are way out of his league.
"Is that bad?" If you have to ask, don't say it. I am not implying that you should never say things that could be construed as offensive. Quite the opposite. But if you are truly concerned with the way the world perceives you every time you open your facehole, stay quiet. To the rest of you, I implore you to say what you feel, regardless of what you imagine others will think. Why the fuck are you even asking? Why do you actually care? Most things that you say are not life changing in the slightest, never worry that you are affecting the course of the universe when you speak. Freedom of expression exists in this country and I wholeheartedly encourage you to take advantage of it. Nothing feels better than getting shit off your chest, saying what you actually mean, and being honest. Don't ever hesitate to speak your fucking mind.
Here's the problem with sucking it up and hiding your true feelings - you lose respect of everyone around you. Why? Because they think they can say and do whatever they want to you and you won't utter a fucking sound. The perception will be that you don't have an opinion, so no one will ever ask for it. When you do have one, no one will listen. If you are portraying yourself as weak and unsure, that is how you'll be seen. Starting from a very young age, girls are told to speak quietly and lower their voices while boys are boisterous and no one bats an eye, except to say, "boys will be boys" which is a dangerous thing to say. We are told to ask permission; to request not demand; to not be intrusive or argumentative. Fast forward to adulthood, when these things have now been hammered into our very being and we behave this way in the workplace. Is it any wonder we still make less than men for the same jobs? We don't speak the fuck up!!! We've been told not to...we've been told to be sweet and kind and soft. Fuck that shit! It is time we broke that pattern and shoved it up the ass of whoever prescribed it to us. The time has come to be strong and opinionated; to be forceful and demanding; to say what we really think, not what we believe others want to hear. If you want to succeed, truly succeed in life, in your career...speak the fuck up! Do you think most* men are worried about how others perceive them in the workplace? Are you friggin kidding me right now?
*I'm not implying that all men are brash and bold in the workplace, nor am I saying that none of them care what others think. This is a generalization to make an important point.
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