Customer Service Reps Can't Afford to Be PC

As usual, I was making my bi-weekly call to Anthem Blue Cross when I was introduced to Daniel. Cozy in his call center in India, Daniel, otherwise known by his friends and family as Sanjeet, was on the other line. Seems like they can't get the simple things right, like my zip code. Because of that little brain fart, we have no insurance cards and haven't for months! So, I am asking nicely if I my address has been finally updated as promised two weeks ago. He tells me that he will put in a request for a new set of insurance cards. I tried to explain that they should have gone out since the only hold up was the zip code...which of course was causing the cards to go to Egypt and points beyond. Is the zip code updated? He repeats that he can send out new cards that I will receive in two weeks. Dude, are you fucking listening? It was at this point that I started to get stabby and kicked it into Queens-girl mode. As nicely as possible in that particular state, I explained yet again that my zip code was causing the card to be sent to the wrong location. I then went on to tell him that I had already put in the address change request with the good folks at Covered CA, the people who made the mistake in the first place, and they were to send that change to you people at Anthem. OK, I actually said that the request had gone through Jesus and the Pope and should be to them by now. It was at that moment I was talking to myself. That fucker hung up on me!

Am I to assume that using religious terms was somehow offensive to Sanjeet? My insurance cards had been sent to points unknown three times until I was the one who discovered, quite accidentally, that they had transposed two of the numbers of my zip code. One would think that I'd be slightly frustrated by now and could be permitted to use language befitting the situation at hand. Here I am, no insurance cards and three payments in, and you want me to be PC? How do you suppose I go to the doctor? Do you think Walgreens is going to be forgiving when I try to pick up another bottle of happy pills without my card? Come on, Sanjeet, cut a bitch a break! Customer service has the word service in its name...where's the service you claim to provide? Hanging up on me isn't helpful in the least. As a matter of fact, it makes me want to rip your liver out through your mouth. You are paid to talk to me. You are paid to listen to me. You are paid to put up with me and fix my goddamn problems!

Normally, I would have called back and asked for a supervisor. Any other day, I'd have had Daniel's ass in a sling and gotten something for free for my troubles. However, issue number one being that it's an insurance company and they have nothing to offer me for free left me a little empty. Which brings us to issue numero dos...having Daniel reprimanded for his bad behavior. Honestly, I hung up laughing so hard, I was sure tears were going to run down my leg. Something about being hung up on for saying Jesus and Pope struck me as hilarious! I couldn't stop laughing...my ass was in danger of falling off. Although if it had, you'd all know by the epic, newsworthy earthquake. Realize, I've been hung up on by customer service reps more times than I care to count. Each one of those other times, I've called back with a vengeance. But this time, oh this time was different. Religion was the deal-breaker and I couldn't be more overjoyed!

Daniel, Sanjeet, Asshole, whatever you are calling yourself today, thank you for the best laugh I've had in a very long time. It warms my heart to know that you are so hyper-sensitive, so fucking easy to offend, such a goddamn pussy, that I could cause you to hang up the phone after using only two harmless words. The power I wield in my mouth is immense. My words are like weapons. I feel so bad ass, so I thank you. Will I call back in another two weeks when my insurance cards aren't in the mail as promised? Yeah, sure, you betcha. Will I be as offensive...or more so? Are you friggin kidding me right now???