I'm bringing booty back...

What the hell is a size 00? I need someone to explain this to me, very slowly and with great detail. What is exactly is a size nothing? No, wait, a size double nothing? I'm pretty sure it's impossible to to be invisible. So what the fuck are we doing here? Why does the fashion industry think it's perfectly acceptable to put out clothing that is meant for anorexics or non-existent human beings? Unrealistic standards for beauty! That's what they are pushing in our faces, every damn day, in every damn way. Magazines, TV, billboards...all presenting us with the skinniest people they can find. Not only that, let's be honest here, everyone is photoshopped these days. Models, movie stars, assholes on social media sites. Everyone is doing it.

When did looking like a woman fall out of vogue? When did having an ass become something ugly or repulsive? Why do we need to airbrush out inches of curvy thigh before a photo is acceptable to share? Hips are narrowed, asses are slimmed down, faces sunken in to deathly hollows, stomachs erased to concavity...what the fresh fuck is this? Who looks like this? Heroin addicts, girls with serious eating disorders, and malnourished children in third world countries. Tell the truth, men, is that what turns you on? Does a pair of bony legs put lead in your pencil? Do hips resembling a ten year old boy's pump up your chub? Does a flat ass tickle your pickle? I'm gonna go out on a limb and answer for you...no fucking way. I know everyone has a type, and some prefer less meat on their woman's bones. But I do not believe for one minute that the emaciated-looking shit they are shoving down our throats is anyone's sexy ideal.

I'm not even going to rant about how this nonsense is the genesis of the eating disorders of today's youth. This is not news. Everyone with half a brain can make the connection. So, let's not belabor this. Instead, let's raise our voices against the sucking away of our femininity. What makes us women. What separates us from the boys...aside from the obvious. We are built to be soft, rounded, and curvy. Our curves are part of our makeup for bearing children. We need the room! That notwithstanding, we should embrace ourselves instead of despising what makes us beautiful, sexy, lush creatures. We shouldn't be forced to hate the very essence of who we are.

A full, round ass is sexy on a woman. I challenge you to contradict me. Meghan Trainor even defends my stance in All About That Bass. You all enjoy a bouncy set of fun bags...do you think they come naturally on a twig? Hell, no. They are made of glands and fat. The more fat, the bigger the boobie. You did know that, didn't you? My luscious hooters are not surgically enhanced, they are God-given...and enhanced only by good food and excellent wine. No silicone in these puppies. And why should there be? The rest of me is all real, too. That's just it. I am who I am and I make no apologies for it. None of us should be sorry for the way we look. Women in particular. We are constantly on display, being gawked at, leered at, judged, commented on, picked apart in the fishbowl that is our lives. By men, by other women...by society in general. It's bullshit.

I want your daughters to be able to walk proudly down the street, with their heads held high, unafraid of what others think of their appearance. We come in all different shapes and sizes. Every one of them is beautiful. When we can break down the expectations of unrealistic and often unattainable body size, we can finally love ourselves the way we were meant to be loved. Fuck anyone who says different. Who gives a shit what others think? You have to live with you, you'd better love you! Big, small, or somewhere in between, it's all perfect. I'd much rather drink booze and eat dessert than be a size 00. What's the fun in that? I'm bringing booty back. Are you friggin kidding me right now???