Well, she IS an Only Child

How often I have heard that phrase and how often I've wanted to shank someone in the liver after hearing it. What exactly does that mean? Are only children some form of freakish abomination that can only be explained by uttering those words? Before you jump in and say, "Hey, you have a brother, you've mentioned him!" That is true. But we only became aware of each other a couple of years ago. Long story and not applicable to my point here. I was raised an only child, that is the life I knew and to which I am referring. I loved my only child-ness and wouldn't have changed it for all the money in the world, I don't deny that one bit. Did I get all of my parents' attention without having to compete with a sibling? You bet your sweet ass I did. Does that make me a special brand of evil? Um, no. It makes me honest. Which is something I am finding seems to offend a great many people. Interesting. You'd rather I sugar coat the truth and flat out lie to you? Crap, I'm veering off on a tangent which will be discussed at a later date. Back to the issue at hand. Having fond memories of being the top priority in my parents' lives, of being the one and only little person in the house to whom they paid attention, and the only recipient of the majority of the gifts under the Christmas tree doesn't make me a bad person. That was my reality, my life.

But does being an only child make you all the things that people are saying? Let's look at the rumors. We are selfish. And what evidence do you have to substantiate this? Do you think we never learned to share? I've got news for you, since we had to play with other children to whom we were not related and couldn't get away with being greedy pricks with, we learned early on how NOT to be selfish. We didn't come with built in playmates. We had to venture outside the house for companions. We had to behave appropriately if we wanted to be invited back. We wanted so badly to be liked, we'd have shared our kidneys if it meant having a friend with whom to play on a regular basis like our counterparts with siblings. No kidding. When all you have is yourself and adults on the daily, you crave other children like you crave oxygen.

Only children are bossy and aggressive. Based on what? I don't recall ever getting a note sent home or a phone call being made to my mother telling her I've been a bitch to other children or started fights in the school yard. Not that I didn't get into my share, but that's another story...and certainly not started by ME. Being smart can make you bossy because you have a fountain of knowledge not available to most other humans. It's not the fact that you don't have a brother or sister at home that causes you to be assertive with others. It's intelligence and confidence. But aggressive? Seriously. That's learned when you have to fight for every toy in your room and for your mommy's attention. Not because you DON'T have to do that. Aggression can also be something chemical, which is not the issue we are discussing. The nature of the beast of the only child is to be someone who will bend to the situation, who will adapt and enjoy the adaptation because it means we've been accepted.

We are spoiled. I love that one in particular. If only you could have been a fly on the wall in my house to see how absolutely untrue that statement is. They never hear the word NO. That is so funny to me. In fact, I think I have tears streaming down my leg at the very thought. If anyone heard that word so much that they've learned to expect it, even now, it's me. There was no way in hell I was getting everything I asked for and no way I'd even ask for that much knowing the reaction I could get. When I see how many toys and electronics kids today have, kids with siblings, I have to laugh. That was not my house growing up. A play room, what the fuck is that? I had my bedroom. It housed my bed, my dresser, my desk, my bookcase, two night tables...where would all those supposed toys go? I grew up in a two bedroom apartment over a store, not in a giant house with a play room, backyard, and an IPad. Not that they existed, but I wouldn't have had one. I had a manual typewriter.

These children have imaginary friends. Who didn't? I know plenty of people who had siblings who also had some serious made up house inhabitants. If your sister was a bitch, I would think you'd make up a better one to play with on some occasions. If your brother bullied you, wouldn't you make up a great, fun, and kind brother to play with? Not that I would know for sure, I'm just considering the likelihood. Imaginary friends are not created solely out of being lonely. Some are created to take the heat for being a brat. Some are there to listen to the yelling when you can't anymore. Some take beatings for you. Being an only child is NOT the sole reason for having an imaginary friend or two. And it certainly isn't limited to only children.

We are dependent, needy. What the fuck? Who tells you this? That kind of behavior comes from having everything done for you. From having someone speak for you, help you do what you clearly can do for yourself, who fends for you long after you no longer need it. Hmm, sounds like someone with an older sibling. Only children don't have that luxury. We grow up in houses filled with adults. We have to keep up or shut up. We have to learn early on to do it ourselves since there is no other child to learn from or do it for us. Everything we learn and do is because we've watched an adult and done our own version on the theme. No one did it for us. I see siblings speaking for younger brothers and sisters, not allowing them to voice their opinions in their own way. Putting on jackets for a sister who can clearly do it herself but won't complain because why not have a servant? Or on the other end, who will get fiercely pissed off because she can and wants to, dammit!

Another doozy is that we mature too quickly. This is a bad thing? Please explain because I am trying my hardest to see that point of view but I can't shove my head that far up my ass. Being around adults more than children as an only child helps kids develop adult speech patterns, adult behaviors, and superior reasoning skills that benefit a child now and later on in school and in life. So many children do not develop the maturity and coping skills needed to become functional adults these days, and being an only child is actually a distinct advantage over the children with  siblings. We grew up hanging around with the grown ups and being engaged in far more interesting conversations than, "He took my car, Mooooommmm, he took my caaarrrr!" There were expectations regarding proper behavior, manners, speaking in turn, and keeping up your end of the conversation. Bad traits? I think not.

We are anti-social and couldn't care less about the feelings of others. Do you really believe that? Far from being anti-social, we do love the company of others, but we don't NEED it. We've been self-reliant our whole lives. We deal with shit on our own. It's not a reflection on you. We are just really prepared for dealing with life and don't like whining on someone else's shoulders about every little thing. We like you just fine, but as adults, we also have a great relationship with ourselves and can function without someone else attached to our hip all day long. Related to this is the thought that because of that, we also don't care about you. Even further from the truth, we do care enough about you to not argue with you. We know you can't handle the confrontation and will be butt hurt for an unreal length of time over a simple disagreement. Our early maturity and advanced coping skills have taught us that people are people and we aren't always going to agree, so just cut bait and move on. We know you can't. It's called being sensitive to your feelings.

Now that I've debunked all the bullshit you've been brainwashed to believe about only children, it's time to stop perpetuating these fucking stereotypes. Stop attributing every negative thought you have about our current behavior, decisions, way of speaking, manner of dress, career choices, marital status, or parenting style to our having being raised as an only child. That is only a small part of who we are and certainly not a bad character trait. We are sick and tired of hearing that everything we do is because we didn't have a sibling growing up. Do we attribute your neediness, hypersensitivity, inability to make decisions on your own, passive/aggressive behavior on having had siblings in your house? No, we call a spade, a spade. If you are an asshole, it's because you are an asshole, not because you are an older brother. No more snap judgments based on our birth order. Let's agree to judge each other on more important things, like the car you drive or the purse you carry. Think I'm not serious? Are you friggin kidding me right now???