Moving forward, let's pick up where we left off yesterday, shall we?
4. Hateful Prejudices: These are among the worst offenses I can muster up about any person, much less a female friend. How dare you judge other women on some ridiculous standard created by a male-dominated society, perpetuated by Hollywood, and filtered into our daughters' lives through the evil that is much of media today? Fat girls are just lazy. Skinny bitches think who the hell they are. Married women are boring. Single women just whore around and have no responsibility. Any of these sound familiar to you? Familiar because they have erupted from your foul-assed, shit-spewing, hate-mongering lips? You don't know these women, you don't know their lives! What gives you the right to judge them on your first glance of them? Who the fuck are you? What is fat to you, is sexy and curvy to another. Skinny could mean an amazing metabolism, one of which you are fiercely jealous. Married women like to party just as much as single women...you wouldn't know. Single women work hard, support themselves and sometimes their children, and have no time for your fictional whoring around, nor do they want to engage in such nonsense. Worry about yourself, that is more than enough and quite possibly too much for you to handle.
5. The Zealot: We all have things about which we are passionate. It's what makes us all so interesting. Sad is the person who just doesn't give a shit about anything. But being passionate doesn't mean shoving your passion down my throat with both fists and a jackhammer. I respect your opinions; I respect your right to have opinions and beliefs; I cannot bear to feel obligated to agree with you and change my ways to suit your cause du jour. You don't eat meat, fantastic. Not everyone who does eat meat is a murderer or animal hater. I have two cats, have always had pets, always will. I eat meat. Wearing leather means I have enough respect for an animal to want to use the whole thing and not waste it to fill my belly. You breastfeed? Wonderful. Don't do it in my face, don't criticize me for having bottle fed my child and we will get along famously. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. But discounting friendship with someone purely based on being unable to share an opinion, that's plain stupid. You are fucking stupid. And likely to be friendless at some point in your very passionate life. Good thing you have your opinion to keep you company.
6. The Sad Sack: Is life really that hard, honey? Does everything bad happen to you? Do you live under a big, dark rain cloud? Is bad luck your middle name? Or is it the fact that you tend to focus only on the negative and are completely unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel? You probably don't even notice when life is pumping along smooth as silk for you. Those moments matter not to a Whiny Wendy such as yourself. Nothing is ever good enough. You'd much rather sit and complain about everything under the sun to your friends. Maybe it is your way of participating in the conversation because you have little else to contribute? Or is it just a cry for attention? I can't fix what your mommy broke all those years ago, don't expect me to...not my job. Cry to a therapist, that's why they get paid the big bucks.
You know what? I thought I'd be done today. But I realized there is so much more to discuss because there are so many more asshole women in the world that I haven't gotten to yet. For that, I profusely apologize. I will get to each one of you, I promise. I wouldn't want you to feel left out of the conversation, you might have to talk about me behind my back...or even better, on Facebook! That is assuming your opinion matters to me, isn't it? Do you really believe that what you think is a fucking blip in my day? Do you think I cry at night worrying about your feelings about me? Are you friggin kidding me right now???
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