Parental Pissing Contests, or school projects these days

Guilty. My kid may be a high school senior now, but she went through elementary and middle school like everyone else. And throughout those years, there were some ridiculous-ass assignments sent home with children way too young to actually do them, and not smart enough to understand. Things requiring power tools, hot glue guns, and an engineering degree. When I was in school, we had projects, too.  But I don't recall needing help from both parents and an architect.  Asking for a shoe box and maybe some odds and ends that could be found in our home was the extent of parental involvement back in those days. If I needed leaves and moss for a science project, I had to wander the neighborhood on my own armed with a paper bag and my eyeballs.
Never did I need my mom to drive me to three different craft stores to even begin to attempt a project.  For my own daughter, I've gone to Michaels, JoAnn, Target, and Home Depot.  This was for one project.  Over the years, these stores have gotten more of my money than I can begin to add up. It was particularly offensive in the younger years when she attended Catholic school.  I was already paying tuition and now her teachers wanted me to go out and spend more on wood, clay, paint, dowels, fabric, felt, poster board, styrofoam, and fuck knows what else.  Were they even thinking as they brainstormed the idea for this project?  Did they think to bounce it off of someone else before they handed it over to the kids, who promptly handed the supply list to their parents? The parents, who just got home from work, have already completed their schooling and have no desire to redo fourth grade.
One assignment in particular sticks in my head after all these years.  Third grade they had Mrs. P.,  a wonderful teacher.  I had to say that first, lest you get the impression I had no respect for the woman. She was a fantastic teacher in all other respects.  The kids loved her, she inspired a love of learning that most of the kids took with them and have to this day. They learned more than what you find in books from her and I will always be grateful for that.  BUT, this project was abso-fucking-lutely insane! This was the one that required an engineering degree and a Home Depot charge card. When I saw it, I could only shake my head. When my husband, who praise the baby Jesus, HAS an engineering degree, saw it, his eyes lit up like Times Square at night.
What she would have done without his help, I'll never know. Based on simple machines, this project required you to incorporate ALL the types of simple machines to create something.  Something that used all of these machines to function. For those not familiar with third grade science, simple machines are the lever, inclined plane, wheel and axle, wedge, screw, and pulley. All pretty basic on their own, if the assignment had stated make small individual items utilizing these machines, it would have been child-appropriate.  No, you had to make them all work together. She had eight year old children attempting to make a Rube Goldberg-like contraption. Was she high the night she dreamed this up?
Crap, I am assuming most of you are smart enough to know what one of Rube Goldberg's inventions looked like.  Hell, I'm probably shitting up a rope thinking half of you know who HE is.  Here's an example of how his mind worked.  A complex answer to a simple question.

An entire Saturday, countless amount of dollars, some help from the two kids who were supposed to actually DO the project, and almost no help from the dad of the other girl, this bad boy was completed and in full working order.  It looked fucking amazing. Now, I am sure you are saying to yourself, "What have the children learned if you did the work?" You'd be 150% correct if your answer was, "Absolutely nothing." Well, that's not totally accurate. They learned that in order to get an unappealing and difficult job done, you must delegate tasks to those more suited.  Maybe they also figured out that most of these projects are a fucking joke and not really meant to teach them anything they haven't already gone over in class, done for homework, and will be tested on...oh, and that there were more curse words than they were aware of BEFORE the actual project started. 

Believe me, most children are more than aware of their limited capabilities when it comes to these assignments.  They also know that most parents won't hand over the table saw to them with a smile. And all parents resent the shit out of the teachers by the end of the year when they've assigned more asinine crap for us to do and force us to buy endless expensive supplies for shit we wind up doing for the kids, anyway. Perhaps some parents enjoy doing this stuff, turning in things that it would have been impossible for their kids to do, getting graded on their spectacular, Martha Stewart-rivaling creativity. Maybe they are trying to make up for their shitty report cards the first time around and are living out elementary school again through their children.

Here's my take on this...if you want my kid to learn anything, make the assignments age-appropriate.  Ask them to use things they find around the house or in the neighborhood. Don't expect working parents to spend their evenings and limited time with their children shopping in multiple stores, scouring the aisles for  expensive items to make something that they can't even do themselves. Kids don't need the extra stress, they are already over-booked with extra-curricular activities and sports and on the verge of little breakdowns.  Parents don't need more to do in their schedules, especially when it means reliving elementary school. Do your job in the classroom and it won't have to spill over on to me. Do you honestly think I have the time or patience for this shit?  Are you friggin kidding me right now???