Some of my quirks...I know, you thought I was perfect!

While I realize that I may completely blow your image of me, I feel that I have to come clean with all of you. Perfection is unattainable. If this is news to you, I apologize for all the big words I've used in the past, you're clearly a moron.  Stop reading now, I don't want to be accused of discrimination against the stupid.  I won't dumb it down for you.  So, since I am not as perfect as you believed, I guess I should start somewhere.  Maybe I should tell you that many of these quirks didn't become a part of my persona until I was an adult.  As a child, I was far more easy-going.  Aging has been quite a process for me and with it came more quirks than I knew could exist in one human being.  Perhaps it's me making up for lost time.  I really was a great kid.  Oh well, I'm pretty fucking awesome now, just incredibly flawed, as well.
As an adult, I've noticed that my attention span has diminished to the point of ridiculousness.  You can't imagine ADD in a grown-ass woman, but holy shit, come watch me do just about anything these days. Doing one task from start to finish is almost impossible for me, unless I can throw in a few minor tasks in between so I can bounce around like a rubber fucking ball from room to room, area to area. Even as I write this, I am looking around the room, jumping up to get a snack or two, refilling my coffee cup, checking my email, reading Facebook bullshit, and the list continues on.  My mind races from topic to topic and doesn't seem to stop to smell the roses, ever.  It's actually exhausting and it's really no wonder I'm tired a whole helluva lot.  Are you envisioning little projects left in piles all over my house right now?  Half read newspapers, piles of laundry not quite folded, dishes in the sink and the drain board, and various and assorted shit like that?  You'd be so wrong.  I never said I didn't finish the tasks.  I said I needed other things to do in tandem.  Then I get them ALL done quite splendidly.
The reason you'll never see half-done anything, is I have a bit of clutter-phobia.  It's called ataxophobia among the professional set, and it's awful.  Sometimes I can handle it and just pace through the house, rearranging things and putting things away, organizing and tossing shit out as I go.  But other times, I launch into a full-on freak out because I am so overwhelmed by the sheer volume of accumulated crap that I have a psychotic episode and totally lose my shit.  I will literally freeze in my spot and start screaming at everyone in the house, because face it, it IS their fault.  At this point, they are used to it and don't react very much.  Sometimes, if the planets are aligned, someone will actually ask if they can do anything to help.  Depending on how far gone I am, I may not even really hear them because my head is on the verge of a massive brain-splattering explosion.  Which I will have to clean up and it will just add to the list of things for me to do.  One day, I'll just set the house on fire and start fresh. Much less stressful.

Perhaps I have a touch of OCD, just a tad.  When I blog, I have a certain set-up that has to happen before I can even begin.  The laptop is in front of my seat at the dining room table, my notebook is on the left with my eyeglass case either resting on top of it or at the head of the book.  My water is next to the book and my coffee is on the right side of the laptop with either dates or almonds scattered near it.  My phone is to the left of the coffee cup.  Every time, without fail.  Don't move my shit or I'll have to rearrange it and then shank you. When I go to bed, I take off my rings in the same order, engagement ring, right hand rings from ring finger on moving left, then my bracelets, then my earrings and I place them all in the same spot on my nightstand. Have a problem with this technique?  I don't. Putting on makeup is always in the same order and if I veer from that order, I have to start from where I left off before I went rogue. Lashes, cheeks, brows, and then eyelids. It works for me and don't I always look lovely?  
Blankets are my thing and boy howdy, do I love them.  I even crocheted a couple last winter, one for me and one for the cat.  What I hate is unfolded blankets strewn around the friggin living room.  If I see one unfolded and out of place I have to stop everything and grab it, fold it, put it back, and make sure the rest are just right.  Since I am always cold, they are a necessity all year long.  They have their spots and belong there until I need one.  I don't mind sharing them, I'm not a blanket-hog.  What I mind is seeing them treated like a rag when you are done with it and seeing it tossed all willy nilly wherever the fuck you were last.  Do you want me to toss your shit around the house?  If the mess wouldn't institutionalize me, I'd dump drawers and scatter belongings all over the place in retaliation.  Then I'd have to clean it up, probably before you even got a chance to see it. Christ, I'm pathetic!
These are just a few of the things that make me the wonderful soul you see before you. Do I have more quirks?  Fuck yes.  But I'll bet you have more, and those annoy the shit out of me.  My quirks get me through the day in a semi-sane fashion, help me accomplish my daily tasks, and keep my life running smoothly.  Yours only serve to piss me off and make me want to punch you in the throat. Mine are just part of my charm.  Do I find your quirks charming?  Are you friggin kidding me right now???