Rules for living in my world

Since I bitch, gripe, and grouse about most of you, your behaviors, and modes of dress, I've decided to help you out a smidgen today.  I've compiled a list of basic rules for living in my world and being a part of my life. It's an honor bestowed upon very few, and with good reason. Most of you suck giant, ferocious donkey balls.
Today we will begin with:

Appearance

1. I never want to see your muffin top or back fat.  I have enough of my own dimply areas, I can look at them whenever the mood strikes. Yours are just gross and my eyeballs don't deserve the assault.
2. Peek-a-boo pudendum above your waistband. You know exactly what I am talking about, teenage girls. The concept of hip-huggers is not lost on someone who was born in 1971, I get it.  What I don't get is why YOURS expose the top of your vaginal area forcing you to wax in order to wear them. Wear pants that fit and cover your poonanny. Not all items for sale need to be on display.
3. More of your tits than your husband gets to see on a regular basis.  This means check your cleave before you leave the house. A modest amount of it can be sexy, but when I fear for your ability to take a full breath because your knockers are jammed up under your chin, it ceases to be hot. Bras that fit are way more comfortable and better for your back.  You'll thank me.
4. Glaring headlights because you refuse to wear a bra. Again, I refer to proper support of the front load. We are all getting older, gravity is not your friend. 
5. Ass cleavage. Crack is an illegal drug, not something that should be staring at me during a baseball game, in all its glory, peeking out of some dipshit's ill-fitting jeans.
6. The crease your butt cheeks make when they meet your upper thighs due to your inappropriate donning of Daisy Dukes on a wide load body.  Wear clothes that compliment your shape, not humiliate you, me, and anyone unfortunate enough to witness your Queen of the Trailer Park ensemble.
7. Anyone in running shorts circa 1980.  Dog balls, enough said.
8. Unshaven female armpits.  This is not Europe and I'm fairly certain you don't live on a commune. Besides being completely offensive to look at and totally unattractive on anyone, there is another valid reason to shave.  Female sweat is amazingly more potent and fierce smelling than male sweat.  Don't give it a place to hide and fester by leaving your pit bush unshorn.
9. Unpopped zits with huge, juicy whitish yellow heads. While I know that dermatologists everywhere are shaking their heads at what I am about to say, I seriously don't give a ripe fuck. Squeeze that bad boy until it runs bloody and there is nothing left but a hole. I cannot stand other people's bodily juices, and zit liquid is at the top of that list.
10. Camel toe or moose knuckle. Do I have to explain?

Next time we will explore proper behavior for admittance into my domain. Remember, breaking the rules is taken very seriously and not easily forgiven. If I can take the time to make myself presentable every day, you can, too. There is no excuse for causing me temporary blindness, or making me pray for it. Are you friggin kidding me right now???