The ER is the new Urgent Care office

Ever wonder why health care costs so much? Are you disgusted by the horrifically long wait times when you do go to the emergency room for a serious illness or accident? Before you start blaming our current administration and bashing Obama, have a peek into your own backyard. I do realize that in today's litigious world, doctors have to play cover ass regularly instead of simply practicing medicine, like they were trained to do. This puts an undue amount of stress on America's physicians and you have yourselves to blame. Since their insurance costs have been driven through the roof, you must remember that shit rolls downhill. But this is not the issue of which I speak.  It is not the root of the problem by any means.

When you take that backyard peek, think about the last time you rushed your child, husband, or self to the ER. What was the issue? Did someone break a bone? Were you having a heart attack? Did your husband double over from the pain of a burst appendix? Maybe one of you had a raging infection causing the highest, prolonged fever you've ever experienced, and were delirious? None of the above? I know, I know, you were stabbed in the forehead!!! No? Why the fuck are you there? You have a sore throat? A raging headache? The shits? A cold? These are emergencies in your house?!?! Do you know what constitutes a real emergency? It's obvious to me and I am sure to those in your immediate circle that you haven't a fucking clue.

When you decide that eating a bad egg is a reason to speed your ass to the emergency room simply because you've barfed a couple of times and have the hopping trots, you've made a huge error in judgement. Taking up a room and bed in the ER to be seen and hydrated because you are too stupid to chew on ice chips or slowly sip ginger ale fucks over the people sitting there bleeding to death. Did you stop to consider that on the way there? Of course not, you are a big baby who requires coddling and and a hand to hold every time you get the sniffles. Your pathetic inability to deal with the slightest amount of discomfort is the actual reason emergency rooms are clogged and our health care costs are through the fucking roof.

This is not to say that your shouldn't err on the side of caution with your children, especially if you have a baby. They are unable to communicate what is really wrong, and you can usually trust your gut instinct if it is telling you that it is serious. But when your son has a mosquito bite and he's really itchy and crying like a wuss because you've raised a goddamn veal, it is not the time to rush him to the ER because you now assume he is having an allergic reaction to the bite. Unless his arm blows up like a balloon, like my daughter's does, or he is having difficulty breathing, put the car keys down and give the little fucker a popsicle to shut his whining pie hole.

If the injured or ill party is your husband, try to remember that he is still a little boy under that manly facade and he still can't handle something as minor as a tummy ache. That doesn't detract from the fact that his fart bubble isn't a real emergency and shouldn't be treated as such. Telling him to go float an air biscuit and shut the fuck up should work nicely. Well, nicely enough as long as you direct him to the bathroom before such flotation takes place. The same rule applies if he has the shits or the sniffles. Remind him that there are people  with shunts in place for chemo and that if he doesn't plug his yap, you are cutting off access to the love train. Sometimes they need a little dose of reality, offer it to them.

Should you be the one suffering from an unbearable whateverthefuck, stop and assess the situation. Would you rush someone else to the hospital of all godforsaken places for this ailment? Probably not. I understand that when you've been in pain or discomfort for more than a day, it gets old. My migraines last for three days, no more and no less. I am resigned to their consistent and repeated tours of duty in my cranium. I don't whine all over Facebook about it, I go to work like a normal person, albeit hopped up on drugs, and I most certainly do NOT run to the ER begging for a fucking morphine drip. One reason is that IVs suck ass, they hurt more than is absolutely necessary to get rid of what is essentially a headache on steroids. Another is that I wasn't raised to be a withering little priss who can't handle pain. My migraines didn't brake for pregnancy, you know the time during which you can only take basically Children's Tylenol for a headache? So cry me a fucking river, but stay out of the ER.

Obama is not to blame for our health care crisis. He is not to be made the scapegoat for insurance rates rising into the atmosphere nor can he be called to task regarding the overcrowding in our emergency rooms. Look in the mirror and see the fucktard who actually IS causing all of our health care woes. Stop being such a baby every time you don't feel very well. Not every cough is bronchitis.  Not every wheeze is pneumonia. Sometimes the pukes and shits are just that, not a death sentence.  You won't dehydrate if you are a grown ass person who knows how to take small sips of liquid rather than have a nurse shove an IV line in your hand to force feed your body liquid. I know that most of you folks my age were not raised to be such fucking pussies. We are of stronger stock than that! I know for sure that I am strong like a big ugly ass bull. Are you friggin kidding me right now???