1. My cat knows when to shut the fuck up. Now this may sound harsh, but I can tell her anything and after offering her opinion, she keeps quiet and lets me rant some more. She doesn't interrupt with nonsense and ridiculous solutions that I didn't ask for in the first place. She doesn't tell me that I am getting upset over nothing, SHE offers a head butt and body rub with a side of purr and lets me feel my goddamn feelings the way I want.
2. My cat does as she is told. She may not listen the first time to anyone else in the house, but she knows when I mean business. I don't have to yell, repeat myself, or get agitated. While she may give me a little lip, it doesn't stop her from doing exactly as I've asked her to do. Whether it is a request to get off the table and sit properly in a chair, or to come up to bed...she listens. Unlike the humans in my world who often look at me like I am either bat shit crazy or I've asked them to split an atom with their teeth. I'm pretty confident that asking someone to fold a blanket and lay it on the couch neatly when you are done using it isn't a feat of Herculean strength, impossible for anyone but an Olympic athlete.
3. My cat knows when I am upset. She doesn't ask moronic questions and tell me to get over it. I'm not expected to do anything but sit and cry if I want to...and she will sit with me until I am done. By with me, I mean on me, rolling around and purring. Instead of worrying about what I won't be able to do for her during this time, her only concern is staying with her mommy until she feels better. Imagine that kind of selflessness from a human? Most people are only worried about what your downtime means for them. Will there be dinner, clean clothes, coffee, food in the fridge?
4. My cat is independent. Sounds basic and precisely what you'd expect from a cat. But that isn't quite what I mean. If I am on the phone, she doesn't suddenly require my full attention about something that could have waited until I was off. She doesn't start talking to me and think I am going to ignore the person on the other end. She doesn't huff and puff until I get off because I am taking time away from her. She trusts that because I live with her, I will eventually have time for her, and any time I give her is just right.
5. My cat loves me just the way I am. She has no expectations of me whatsoever. I can shower or not. Do my hair or pop it in a ponytail. I can wear pajamas all day long for all she cares. Makeup be damned. Fat or skinny or somewhere in between, my lap is her favorite place, followed by the curve behind my knees when I am sleeping. I can be happy or mad, silly or sad. She loves me unconditionally. If I am having a bad day and griping about everything and anything, it doesn't phase her for a minute. Nor does it stop her from following me around the house, chirping, meowing, and purring. She won't avoid me because I am unpleasant in some way, nor will she get mad at me and have a tantrum or stop talking to me. Most people can't be that loving.
6. My cat is good at snuggling. Now I know that people are, too, don't get me wrong. But she takes it to a whole other level. She can tuck her body into mine and let me wrap my arms around her like a teddy bear and stay there as long as I want. She doesn't tell me that her arm is falling asleep or I'm giving off too much heat or that my feet are like icicles. She purrs and sighs and relishes the moment for as long as it lasts. How many of you can say you do that? Do you just take time to enjoy the moment with someone who loves you? Not as often as you should...or for some of you, at all.
7. My cat is always happy to see me. While I realize this may be hard to believe, there are actually people who may not always be pleased by my presence. This is not the case with Becca. It doesn't matter if I've been gone for the entire weekend or just came out of the shower. If I haven't been in her line of vision and she suddenly sees me, she lets me know how great it is to see me again. Chirping and flopping on the floor exposing that fat belly of hers, she tells me with great gusto how much my presence makes her the happiest cat on the planet. My own kid barely lifts her head up when I walk through the door after work. She's 17 so I don't expect her to run up to me screaming "Mommy" and wrap her arms around my legs like she used to, but a simple "Hey" would suffice. Ah, teens are grand, everyone should have one.
8. My cat never yells. She may get loud and yap away when she is enthusiastic about something but she never screams or throws a fit about anything. Even when she doesn't get her way, which is often since as she gets older, she gets more mischievous. Disappointed that she is not allowed to sit in the middle of the dining room table while we eat dinner, nor is she permitted to walk out the front door just because it is open, nor can she eat flowers or plants just because she wants to really badly...she wouldn't dream of mouthing off, screeching at the top of her lungs in a full-on tantrum because I said "no" to her. She huffs and walks off and then comes back because she can't stand to be away from the rest of the humans for very long. I know adults who don't handle disappointment with as much grace.
9. My cat doesn't hold a grudge. Most of the people I know are expert grudge holders...some lasting for years and years and years. Many of them don't even remember why they are mad, they just know the other person is still an asshole and that is all that matters. I've had people get mad at me for looking at them wrong. My face is very animated and there are times that my expression has more to do with what is going on inside my head than you or anything you've said or done. Yet, my face has gotten me into trouble. Becca never stays mad. I can yell at her for pulling all my sweaters off the shelf in my closet to make a bed for herself and 2 minutes later, she is slinking between my legs looking for a scratch on the head. I have come to realize that perhaps in her old age she has become a bit of a "Ten Second Tom" just like the character in 50 First Dates, but she has never run off and pouted like any of the humans in my world.
It's pretty pathetic that my cat makes you look like a fucking buffoon on so many levels of your human existence and manner in which you handle your personal relationships. But there it is, in black and white, she trumps you and probably always will. Damn shame that people don't take some cues from their animal children once in a while. They have so much to teach us about love and life if only we'd open up our eyes and stop being so goddamn stubborn. Can you learn from your pet? Are you friggin kidding me right now?
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