The joyous tampon commercials make me feel a little stabby

Menstruation.  Not a very attractive word, is it?  It's right up there with scrotum and anus.  Yet, if you watch enough TV commercials, you may actually believe that having a period is the most fun you can have short of vacationing in Jamaica.  WRONG!  It doesn't matter how colorful you make the tampons or their wrappers, bleeding for 7 or more days, in my case, is never ever a good time.  As my pants start to look more like a crime scene than something cute to cover my butt, the last thing I feel like doing is dancing at a club.  Tennis is probably out of the question, and don't expect me to want to ride a bike with something resembling an adult diaper stuck to the crotch of my drawers.  White pants, are you high?  Nobody with half a brain in their head is going to take that risk.  I'd prefer NOT to announce to the world that a giant part of my uterus is falling out. 
While we are on the topic of having a period, jokes about it are always unwelcome.  Guys, you have absolutely no idea what it's like to shove a dry cotton log up your delicate man parts while allowing a string to dangle out between your legs as a constant reminder that you feel like shit.  Yes, in general, we feel like shit that week.  Sore boobs, migraines, cramps, backaches, nausea, exhaustion, breakouts...you know, stuff that would render you bros completely helpless and possibly require you to call out sick from work...are not enjoyable, yet we are expected to go about our day like everything is peachy neato keeno.  Is it any wonder we might get a little cranky?  As you crack your next, "She must be on the rag" joke, we are silently plotting your dismemberment with great joy.  The saddest part of your jokes, is that there is no male equivalent.  We'd love to be able to nail you with a good jab when you are acting bitchy, but asking if you are on the rag just sounds ridiculous. 
Speaking of the feminine products I adore, when we ask you to pick some up, please don't gripe and tell us how embarrassing it is to go down that aisle.  We don't feel like supermodels when we reach the cashier with an armful of ultra-sized tampons and humongous overnight pads.  And remember, we do visit the pharmacy to pick up our birth-control pills every month and don't bitch about it. Don't think we haven't gotten some interesting looks from male pharmacy technicians at least once in our lifetime.  We have.  It's just as fun as when we get that male cashier ringing up our mountain of pads and tampons.  Yes, I'm bleeding like a stuck pig, thanks for asking.  Just ring up the fucking sale and nobody gets hurt.
My message to the good people at Kotex, Tampax, and Playtex is keep it real, keep it simple, and please don't give the message that periods are a giant bag of laughs and line dancing.  I only wish you could hear me scream at the TV screen when one of your ads come on, and there's some skinny chick (no bloating there) dancing around in white leggings (there they are again!), "Are you friggin kidding me right now???