Costco is a lovely place to shop. Oh God, I tried to say that with a straight face. Dear Lord, why the hell do I subject myself to that nightmare? I need toilet paper. Yeah, that about sums it up. Toilet paper. They sell it by the boatload. Otherwise, what else could I possibly need in hotel-sized quantity so badly that I would put myself through the horror of the immigrants and their endless children brigade that has become synonymous with Costco shopping? They break every one of the unwritten rules in the space of one store. Keep to the right is absolutely forgotten by these ass clowns. While I know carts have no turn signals, there is a way to get over without slamming into me or running me into a display. Wait your friggin turn! There's nothing they sell that is suitable for an emergency situation, nor can you access anything immediately since you have to wait on those mile-long lines serviced by the slowest cashiers on Earth. Pushing me out of your way is never a good idea. I push back. With force, with malice...and while cursing a blue streak. Don't want to subject your children to my inappropriate language? Steer clear of me and my cart.
When did it become acceptable to carry on personal conversations that look like international summits in the middle of a busy aisle? You are pushing a gigantic metal monstrosity loaded with more rice than in all of China, flanked by 4-6 kids, and you think it's perfectly fine to jackknife your cart across the aisle along with a couple of your friends and their broods blocking my access to the eggs? WTF?!?! Is this the only place you can socialize? And is it MY problem? I always say "excuse me" first. Being rude comes only after I've attempted to nicely persuade you to carry on your little meeting elsewhere so I can pass. Once I realize that I am either being ignored or that you speak no English, I get a little fussy. By fussy, I mean loud and obnoxious. But you deserve it. Get out of my goddamn way!
Costco store d'oeuvres are a fantastic way of figuring out if you want to buy a new item. They are NOT a means to feed your ever-expanding family. Do not shove your child in front of me while I've been waiting properly on the line for several minutes to try the babaganoush. Your child doesn't want it, and it's rude. I have no problem telling your spawn to go to the end of the line, while staring you directly in the face. I figure you BOTH need to learn manners, I may as well address you both. Zipping across the aisle diagonally to be first, cutting everyone off in the process is unacceptable. Maybe the other non-English speakers will allow it, but I won't. Yesterday, I was waiting patiently to try the chicken tikka masala which had coaxed me over with its heavenly smell and promise of wonderful curry taste. Lo and behold an entire Indian family raced over, multiple children in tow, and attempted to force their way in front of me. Did I stand idly by and allow it, hell no! I turned to them, and told them that it was unnecessary for them to rudely push their way ahead of me to feed the whole family on something they make at home! No, I didn't say it as nicely as all that. Why should I? They had no problem being inconsiderate boors, why would I need to temper my tongue?
Don't expect me to be polite when you are getting between me and my toilet paper, how much patience do you think I have...are you friggin kidding me right now???
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