Here's a brief list of things to avoid on social media to keep the drama and cat fights to a minimum so we can go back to looking at your vacation photos and burger close-ups.
1. Rules. Have them for what you put out into cyberspace BEFORE your nimble fingers hit the keyboard. Think about who your audience is and edit yourself. You may think that everyone wants to know that you are pissed at your boyfriend...but does he want everyone to know? Chances are you are friends with his friends and now people are taking sides. They are also getting really mad at one of you. Then, you make up and everyone else is left steaming and someone is losing friends in the process. Keep the dirty laundry in the hamper with your sweat-stained shirts and streaky underwear. I'm assuming you are a skank if you air your personal business on social media sites.
2. Never angry post or comment. That's right, I'm telling you to stifle the urge to lash out and start blasting someone publicly when you are pissed off. Ranting and raving on someone's wall, your wall, their status, whatever, name-calling, finger-pointing, and generally having a hissy fit for all to see when you've a bug up your ass is a huge fucking mistake. Know why? Because tomorrow you'll feel differently and then you'll look like a giant fucktard and you can't take it back. People don't un-read your posts, they can't un-see what they saw. What could have been screamed into a pillow after pounding a few brews back is now forever in social media-land and now...now we all have our suspicions confirmed, you ARE and douche canoe. Could have had those beers and a good primal scream, but now you are the laughingstock of Facebook.
3. Use the unsubscribe/hide features. When un-friending someone isn't an option and you really don't want to hurt someone's feelings, use those fine features. Use them judiciously, and only retain those people who make you laugh or smile. I know people who over-post the minutiae of their day, flooding me with TMI, photos, and details I just don't need...but I still like them and want to be their friend. That feature has been a God-send for me. I highly recommend it. My posts have been known to piss a person or two off here and there, so I've been told. This doesn't change who I am, or what I feel like saying online. But, you can change what you see and still be my friend. Hit that button and ignore the shit out of my insane musings and observations. Then when we see each other, you won't want to punch me in the mouth. And I won't have to shank you.
4. Remember, it ain't always about YOU. While you may think that other people are hyper-focused on you, chances are, they don't give you a thought most days. Some posts are very general, some are meant to get attention, and some are the result of a frustrating day. Even if you read, "She's such a cunt," don't assume it means YOU. Even if you are a cunt, it's likely to be about someone else. Assuming that everything you read is being directed at you tells me one thing, you have the guiltiest conscience in the world and you probably do things about which you are ashamed. Why else would someone's Facebook status cause you to feel called out and lose your shit and start panicking? What have you done to assume that everything you read refers to you? Take a step back and chill the fuck out. I know my mind is far too busy to constantly include you.
5. Resist the public flogging. Oh yeah, I said flogging. This particular issue is a huge pet peeve of mine so I needed to use some old school vocabulary. If someone pisses you off, and I know it happens more often than we'd like it to, start by attempting to cool off. Wait a day before you even say anything. If by tomorrow, you are still feeling stabby, contact that person directly. Whether you want to call, text, or email...contact them and only them. Never, ever is it appropriate, acceptable, mature, or okay to use social media to have an argument with someone. That is not the forum for such things and didn't your mother teach you anything about not letting the neighbors know your business and keeping mean thoughts in your fucking head?! People who hide behind social media to have a fight are pussies. They embody the people I referred to at the beginning of this rant. Too afraid to confront you personally, so they blast you online so strangers can chime in, causing a personal matter to become a fucking circus. Not only that, but you've also ruined any chance in hell of remaining friends. It's an asshole move, don't do it.
Keep personal conflict off the internet, out of your status updates, off the comment threads, off of your Twitter feed, and anywhere else you spill your daily guts. It's nobody else's business, they don't get to have an opinion about it, and you should have the balls to confront someone directly about perceived slights, especially if you consider yourself to be a true friend. Nowadays, most people don't even know the meaning of the word friend, which is likely why shit like this happens all the time. Are you friggin kidding me right now???
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