Readjust your priorities before it's too late! Nobody lives forever.

I can hold a grudge like nobody's fucking business. Somehow I'll bet you already figured that out about me.  A quality I've always shared with my mom, after taking just SO much crap from a person, I can be done with them in a heartbeat. By done, I mean never speaking to them again. EVER. By the same token, I can be exceedingly tolerant for a very long time before that ever happens. When the last straw comes, you probably won't have seen it coming.  My performances could be considered Oscar-worthy. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, make excuses for their bad behavior. Probably why I often, over the course of my life, have felt like a dirty doormat. However, I'm not one to treat people like a bag of shit just because they pissed me off.  It takes quite a bit of time and abuse before I cut them off completely. Until now. I've gotten older, wiser, and have come to the realization that maybe, just maybe, I've been too harsh, too quick on the draw.
Right now you are shaking your head in complete and utter disbelief.  Not only am I revealing a softer side of myself, but I am admitting that I've been wrong. Holy shit, hold the phone!  She's a goddamn human and we're just finding out now? Crazy, I know, but true. Unlike many of the folks I write about, I do not have any delusions about myself, I don't see perfection.  What I see is a forty-something year old woman who is learning something new about herself every damn day. Some things I think are pretty fucking excellent, while others frustrate the living shit out of me.  This is one thing that, once I realized the error of my ways, truly irritated me about myself. Stubborn, pig-headed, inflexible, unreasonable, Calabrese...they all apply to me. God help me.
"Near the village, the peaceful village, the lion sleeps tonight."  A touch of ADD never hurt anyone. Have I mentioned that Pandora is my best friend while I write? Music soothes the savage beast and the hard-headed Italian, as well. So many things have contributed to my change of heart about grudges. Loss of family members, near-misses with others in the health department, time, distance, and probably a touch of late-blooming maturity. Regardless, not irregardless since that isn't a fucking word (note from the grammar and usage police), I feel as though I've transformed over the years, more so the past couple of years. No matter the reason, I am trying very hard to let go of the past anger and hurt and move forward. Life is too short to hang on to pain and hatred.

Why am I telling you this?  Because I don't always trash people, who frankly have it coming, I actually want you to learn from my mistakes. And, boy howdy, I make mistake after mistake! Nothing lasts forever, life is brief and fleeting, and opportunities to make things right are few and far between. Realize that this doesn't only apply to grudges, it can refer to distance created by lack of time and effort.  Maybe you've gotten too "busy" for people you claim to love.  Perhaps you are so self-involved that you have forgotten how to just BE? Remember the written letter we talked about recently? Sometimes a well-versed handwritten note is all it takes to bridge the gap. Good friends, real friends, they can pick up where you last left off without missing a beat and the time lapse seems nonexistent. The same goes for family.
Sometimes so much time has passed that you feel awkward about contacting that special person in your life.  More time goes by and now it feels almost wrong to try to contact them.  You are certain they must be mad by now and you really don't blame them. So, you wait longer, hope they call and definitely don't pick up your phone to dial. What the hell does this accomplish? What a colossal waste of time! Perhaps they are feeling the same way, and now it has become a battle of wills. Ri-goddamn-diculous! Wake up and be a grown ass person.  Grab your phone, pick up a pen and piece of paper, send smoke signals...do something. Think of all the good chats you're missing, the laughter, commiserating, sharing of news, the sound of their voice, for Christ's sake. One day, it will be too late.

We are all busy people.  I get that. We have jobs, families, extracurricular activities, obligations, and the list drags on.  We spend an inordinate amount of time running from pillar to post, trying to get things done, checking things off of our to-do lists as we go, racing around like chickens with our heads cut off, and for what? I don't remember being quite so busy when I was a kid. So much time spent walking to stores with my mom, visiting relatives, having time to just sit and talk. People-watching was a favorite pastime for my mom and me. Creating stories about the passersby and sitting next to each other, enjoying the closeness, is something I miss terribly. You can't turn back the hands of time, so be sure to use it wisely.  Lucky for me, as a child and teenager, I never wasted a moment. Friends and family were a priority back then and they knew it.  I was their priority, too, and that didn't escape me.
Why can't we slow the frig down? What is so goddamn important that we've put people in our lives on the back burner? Are all the things and activities actually necessary?  Or are they just items on a very long list that make us feel relevant? Would you consider yourself less of a person if you didn't have all these obligations? Is that what you want on your tombstone, "She finished everything on her list," or would you like something that reflects how well-loved you were and are still? I can't speak for you, nor would I presume to, but I want to be remembered for how I treated others, the difference I made in their lives, how they felt loved because of me. That's why I think memories are far more important than things. Kids will recall fondly the time you spent with them, not the vast amounts of crap you bestowed upon them, wrapped up in shiny paper and topped with a bow. I have vague memories of Christmas gifts, but memories of time spent with my mom are burned into my brain and are priceless.
Have we learned anything here today? Hopefully, if you've never gleaned anything from my writing before, you will now. As Cake has told us, "as soon as you're born, you start dying."  It's a sobering thought. But is it enough to change the way you think?  Does reality have to slap you across your stupid ass face for you to fix what's almost broken? I don't want to live with regrets.  There are too many people in my life I can no longer spend time with or talk to whenever I want.  Those moments, once stolen, are gone for good.  I'm not repeating those mistakes, I'm smarter than that. Do I think I've had any affect on many of you this time around?  Not a fucking chance.  Are you friggin kidding me right now???