Most of us already know this, yet I turn on the computer, click on Facebook, and lo and behold, the over sharing is overwhelming. It takes on so many forms, I'm not sure where to begin. Let's go with the relationship over share-er. This person uses all forms of social media to let us know that there is nothing too small, no detail too minute, to share with the rest of the free world. Each birthday card gets photographed and uploaded to Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, complete with cover AND the inside inscription. This happens especially when the inscription is flowery, sappy, and completely out of character for their significant other. I suppose it is so we can publicly mock them. Received flowers at work? As if that isn't already an obnoxious display meant to show up all other spouses and give the impression that this is what daily life is like in their utopian relationship, they take a pic and post it for all to see and admire. Again, this IS for the purpose of public scorn, right?
Every card, every gift, every gesture, every kiss...these are things between you and your mate. They are not meant to be shared with your co-workers, family, neighbors, and the parents of the children with whom your kids attend school. I think I've covered your FB list. If I dive into your Twitter and Instagram list, I'll have to include random strangers you've never met to that list. Not many people will feel actual happiness for you if you consistently shove all your supposed good times in their faces. I say supposed since all relationships are work and have bumps along the way. Chances are, he will forget a holiday or she will decide that Valentine's Day is overrated and want to celebrate with nothing more than a quiet dinner at home. This is normal and should be respected. Just like those of you in brand-spanking-new relationships who feel the need to shove each and every gesture up the noses of those who have been married for more than half our lives. We are quite happy, thank you, and do not care if he made you dinner or if she baked you cookies.
As much as I do not need the blow-by-blow of your happy times, I definitely don't need to hear about each and every time your husband farts in bed or your wife wears the sweats with the holes that showcase her pimply ass. The scent of his dirty undershirt is for your enjoyment, not mine. Her lack of cooking skills are something for you both to discuss and figure out, not post all over the internet, humiliating her in front of everyone you both know. What you think is funny, and maybe would be funny if you were laughing about it together in your house, becomes the incident that caused you to take up residence in the garage because you blew your welcome in your own home. No one wants to drop their kid off at school and have to answer questions about some ridiculous online post about their morning breath. Trust me, your already fucked up relationship is about to become sexless.
Of course, there are the kid over share-ers. The incessant photos and information about what they've done today. Unless your child has won the Nobel Peace Prize at age 7, I don't need to know. I'm sure the excitement you feel about the perfect attendance award isn't shared by anyone else in your life. Yet, there's a photo of it now, complete with a description about how your child loves school so much, is loved by all his teachers and friends, and wouldn't miss a day of school and has dragged his ass off his death bed just to be there. Excuse me, I need to spit. I just threw up a little in my mouth. Chances are, you are living vicariously through your kid and likely pulled him out of bed, drove him to school crying, and drop-kicked him into the classroom. Sounds more like it? To me, it does. But it's also the small, insignificant shit that you think we all need to know. Like when she giggled over her brother burping the alphabet. Is this news? I still laugh when someone burps, farts, or picks their nose. Toilet humor never gets old. Poop, balls, butt head. See? You laughed.
Your ailments, your zits, your hemorrhoids, and your bad hair day...those are not topics that require sharing or that need external validation and public discussion. If you can operate your laptop or smart phone, you can probably pop that zit or put your nappy hair up in a ponytail holder all by yourself. You certainly don't need the opinions of your 276 FB friends, 389 Twitter followers, and 450 Instagram stalkers. Let's adopt the CIA and FBI's way of thinking and start sharing information on a need to know basis. When your constipation affects me in some strange way, please feel free to share it with me. Until such time, it's your cross to bear. We tell our kids to think before they speak, we should add the phrase, "or before you post" to that old saw. Does everyone really need to know, will I be publicly humiliated by this, can this potentially cause strife in my personal life...all perfectly logical and necessary questions to ask yourself before posting that next fucking detail about your otherwise completely mundane life. Unless you want me to advise you about what is necessary and what is an actual over-share? I'll do it, but it won't be pleasant, and it will be public. Are you friggin kidding me right now???
No comments:
Post a Comment