Our main erogenous zone is nestled inside our cranium, in case you were wondering. Oh, I am so sorry, that means we are turned on when you stimulate our brains. We love it when you recognize how intelligent we actually are and let us know you've noticed. Score more if you tell us how impressive our vast knowledge is on a topic. Here's another hot approach, admit you are wrong and we are right about anything you'd like. You know it's true, you simply have to say it out loud. Rather than grabbing your junk and shaking it at us like it's some kind of generous offer, speak to us with respect, you'll get so much more out of us. Has woman ever grabbed her vag and shaken it back at you in response? Is it some kind of mating call of which I am unaware? Maybe we are supposed to grab our boobs and alternately shift them up and down? To and fro? Not being a jungle dweller, I'm not certain what is appropriate. Did you leave your loincloth home, Tarzanfuckingboy?
An offshoot of this particular topic is men who feel it necessary to conduct a running commentary about every female they consider even remotely attractive and then share it with whatever female they happen to be with at the moment. Couple of things come into play here. One, we don't give a raging fuck about your opinion of other women. I know you think we want to know for some odd reason. Maybe you think we'll morph into today's version of the woman of your dreams? Perhaps you actually think we want to know what you find attractive in every other woman. What purpose does that serve? We aren't running out to get implants and collagen injections because you have no control over your dick. And most importantly, two, if you found us attractive enough to date, fuck, or marry, there must be something about us that keeps you coming back for more. Yet, the compliments never flow in our direction. We get the privilege of watching your neck on a swivel as we walk down the street because you are too fucking stupid to be discreet. We have eyes, too, but you'd never know it. Must be the higher intelligence thing kicking in again.
Taking this a step further, as I usually do, I am given to moments of sheer wonder about men who have nothing else to talk about with their friends but other women. Like they are trying really hard to impress each other with what body part on which bimbo makes them pop a chub. Not only do her tits and the other broad's big ass, along with the skank down the block's legs turn him on, but he will regale his buddies with descriptions of what he'd do with all of them given the opportunity. And they all go on and on about their very particular set of skills, sexual techniques, and tricks...the tales getting taller and taller by the second. The buddies egg each other on as they point out the other chicks passing by and their amazingly stunning attributes and how they'd make each and every one of them scream, ruin them for other men, and "she wouldn't walk for a week when I'm done with her" bullshit. Yeah, so truthful.
Here's what I propose, ask their wives if they are the manly fuck-machines they brag to their friends about or if they are actually pencil-dicked minutemen? Then laugh your ass off when they tell you the real facts. Some wives will laugh at the strange bonding ritual in which their husbands participate, shaking their heads at how incredibly idiotic they sound. Others turn a blind eye, and refocus it on hot guys as passive-aggressive payback for all the ogling and shit talk. Still others are truly offended because their men have never raved about their appearance to anyone, not even at the beginning of their relationship, and now wouldn't notice if she walked through the house balls-out naked unless she happened to step in front of the TV. I suppose if she actually had balls he might notice.
Rare is the man who has the cojones to stand up to his friends and tell them to quit making every goddamn female in the general area feel totally uncomfortable and shut the fuck up. I'm not sure I've ever met one who did. They'll keep quiet and not contribute to the conversation, laughing only here and there as they see fit. But not one will open his yap and defend women. Why is that? Is the punishment castration? Will your friends abandon you? Is it a deal-breaker among your frat brothers? Come on, there are millions of women waiting for the answer. We'd like to know when you became a gelding instead of the stallion you'd like all your friends to believe you are. If you were such a big fucking man, you'd be able to stand your ground with the pussies with whom you hang. But, guilt by association, or just based on your behavior, you, too, are a pussy just like the rest of them.
Even rarer is the woman who feeds into her man's obsession with other women. Pointing them out, commiserating with him about certain attributes, helping him amass his collection of memorabilia of her should she be someone famous, she is outwardly good-natured and supportive of the wandering eye of his little head. I'll tell you what she is inwardly, because I'd venture a guess she would tell you she is comfortable with her own sexuality and it's healthy for him to have a crush and she has complete and total confidence in their present bond. Bull-motherfucking-shit. What she actually is, and you can disagree, is totally insecure. She thinks if she stands up for herself and women everywhere by telling him that while she knows he's not dead and clearly there are other attractive people in the world, he doesn't have to sit in a pool of his own drool and jizz fantasizing about some other broad, waxing his version of poetic about how sexy she is to her. She thinks he'll walk out on her should she open her mouth. No great loss, dumb ass. Plus, some things are better left unsaid, this being in the top three.
Unless you guys want women to start commenting on your packages or lack thereof, I suggest you learn the value of silence. Because I'll tell you something, I've got no problem letting you know that it looks more like a man-gina than man meat sitting inside your ill-fitting jeans. How'd you like that while walking down the street with YOUR friends? And I'm sure you'll love it when my friends and I whistle when you pass and as you start to high five your friends feeling all studly, we scream out, "Not you Stubby McNoDick!" Think before you speak, know your audience, and show some goddamn respect for women, especially the one who sleeps in the same bed you do. Unless you are having a love affair with your palms, might I suggest throwing her a compliment or two throughout the day? Save the fantasizing for your head, and trust me when I tell you, the hot babes you like to tell your friends you'd like to break your schlong off in think you are a disgusting ugly slob. You have a better chance at becoming the President of the United States than banging any of the chicks you prattle on about. Are you friggin kidding me right now???
No comments:
Post a Comment