More delusions of grandeur, or when did you qualify for a Royal Wedding?

Way back when, in the days when people in my generation were planning their weddings, things were quite different than they are today.  Gross understatement of the century. The parents of the bride paid for the wedding, so the mother of the bride had veto power when it came to much of the planning and decision-making. The parents of the groom paid for the honeymoon, and they had little or no say in the planning except for handing the bride their guest list, to be edited at her and her mom's whim. And why should they have a say, they aren't paying for it and the wedding is about the bride, isn't it? The groom came along for the ride when seeking out the reception hall, for food tastings, and accompanied the bride alone when attending band showcases, making for a cheap date night. His responsibility was organizing his men to rent the tuxedos and paying for the flowers. The bridal attendants bought their dresses and had to show up to fittings.  The maid of honor organized the bridal shower.
Once the reception hall was chosen, the bride and her mother would narrow down choices for things like table linens, centerpieces, matchbooks, and favors. Then the bride and groom would go through what was left and made a few decisions of their own. Papers were signed, boxes were checked off, and blanks were filled in by the wedding planner who worked for that particular hall. You didn't really get back in touch with that person until you chose your band, picked out your menu items, and had your final head count so they knew how much to rape you, I mean charge you. Little details like favors were taken care of later on, usually by the bride and her mom or some other crafty relative. There were more important things to worry about.  Like getting the church booked for the date you've chosen, signing up for pre-cana, getting your wedding gown (notice I used the singular, not the plural), reserving the limos, and deciding where you and your soon-to-be spouse were going to live after you said "I do" and returned from your honeymoon.
Things like the photographer and videographer also need to be booked ahead as well as choosing your hair and makeup person and booking them so you aren't scrambling at the last minute. But, believe it or not, these details all fall into place. The bride's mom has been looking forward to and mentally planning this moment since the day her little girl was born, she can do this with her eyes closed, standing on one leg. She has all the details in her head, the timing, and exactly how it is going down, even if you haven't a clue. She will lead the bride and groom through the process so completely that they should arrive at the altar unscathed, without stress, and ready to enjoy the party afterwards. Even though it may seem like you are constantly busy, looking at halls, listening to bands, and tasting all kinds of food until you want to barf up a lung, this part of the process is brief in the grand scheme of things.
The most stress I remember feeling was over the guest list. There were people I simply didn't want at my wedding and it was causing such a fucking riot, you'd have thought I told my own mother not to show up. Fights, screaming, nasty phone calls, crying, door slamming, and you name it...all over one goddamn person.  And she wasn't even related. The person in question, and I am really using that term loosely, had caused more fights within our two families than all of us and the entire planning process combined. An ex-friend of mine who decided to go "single, white female" on me and then get mad at me when it didn't work the way she planned. This bitch was a complete and total loon, who didn't belong within a 200 yard radius of my wedding, but had some folks insisting she attend because of who she was dating at the time.Yes, I was the idiot who introduced her to my brother-in-law, I made my bed, you don't need to drive that point home for me.  That point was driven home like a fucking tire iron through the eye socket for many months up to and including my wedding day. So, I understand that planning a wedding isn't all wine and roses.
Fast forward to today, 2012.  What the fuck happened to planning a beautiful ceremony to begin your lives together and then a fun party afterwards for you and those who came to wish you well? It's a three-ring circus, and I do NOT understand it.  I suppose it has something to do with the bloated sense of entitlement this generation feels. They believe the world owes them something, starting with their parents and trickling down to distant relatives and friends. Wedding planners, event coordinators, hair dressers and makeup artists summoned before dawn's ass crack to ensure that each and every person in the bridal party looks a certain way, music directors, itineraries, and all sorts of crazy shit that I am sure I am missing, but happy to have not dealt with 20 years ago. Where does it say on your birth certificate that you are entitled to a wedding to rival Charles and Di's? Pull that shit out and re-read it.  Mine is most certainly missing that clause, and I'll bet the farm that yours is, too.
What changed so drastically that now requires a staff of people to plan and organize a wedding? I'll tell you what...weddings have become major, Hollywood gala events. Even for the average couple, a wedding is a red carpet happening and has to top the last one they attended.  This is why guys propose using a flash mob and then post the whole thing on YouTube, and why the Father/Daughter dance is now choreographed and also posted on YouTube for Jesus and all to see. Did I say I wanted to see your fucktarded dance with your dad?  And isn't a proposal a very private and romantic thing meant to be shared only by the couple?  Now it's just another public, attention-whoring spectacle to be witnessed by anyone and everyone so the couple feels somewhat validated in their imagined coolness. Will the wedding night booty be next?  Will those who attended the wedding receive a DVD with full bedroom coverage of the entire night, including the part where they almost fall asleep during the act because they are so fucking tired from an entire day and night of celebrating?

Have you all seen the wedding websites couples now have? Yes, websites. The couple designs a site, with the help of an internet wedding web designer, containing family photos dating back to infancy, life stories of both the bride and groom, information about the upcoming nuptials, the honeymoon, and links to the bridal registry so you can ensure the purchase of the incredibly expensive dishes they want but will never use, yet feel they should have. How goddamn important do these kids think they are? If you are being invited to their wedding, you should probably know much of their story, and shouldn't need a website to learn all about them.  These sites will tell you where they met, their love story, the details of the proposal, and all the information that a friend or family member should already know if they give even the tiniest shit about this couple. Slightly self-important?
Of course, this is only part of the web ordeal you will be subject to for their wedding. Many people are now asking you, the invited guest, to not only purchase an overpriced shower gift, a nice outfit for the actual wedding, possibly plane tickets and/or hotel booking, but they are also "suggesting" that you fund their honeymoon and the activities they enjoy while at their dream destination. I kid you not, I've actually had to do this for a friend. You receive the link to the site where you are flooded with lovely photos and accompanying background music detailing the destination the couple has chosen for their honeymoon. Then, you are directed to view all the amenities and activities they would just love to enjoy while they are there. This is when you get to see the list priced from high to low, for you to choose how much money you want to spend on what part of their trip for which you'd like to pay. Realize that you can also assist in funding the plane tickets for them to get there if you are feeling flush and want to show off, because when you do purchase something, your name is now and forever associated with your purchase. Thinking about cheaping out? They have made it almost impossible to do that knowing that everyone will see what you've spent.  Clever motherfucks.

Have I mentioned that the bride now wears TWO dresses? You read correctly, two. Why she needs two is completely beyond my scope of understanding, but she wears one to the actual ceremony and changes into another for the reception. Kind of like a Quinceanera, where the girl changes her shoes from flats to heels, now I suppose the bride wears her "virginal" long gown for the church portion and her slut, bitch, whore dress for the reception?  Maybe it's her "old married hag" dress?  I haven't the foggiest clue. What I do know is that it's just another ridiculous and unnecessary expense that further facilitates these overindulged pieces of shit to behave like brats. Acting like spoiled princesses instead of future wives, these chicks act like their vajayjays are pure as the driven snow instead of like NY expressway snow, plowed within an inch of its life, needing two fucking white dresses.  Bitch, please.
What we have here is just another piece of evidence that today's young adults are just as spoiled and entitled feeling as today's youth. You've bred a generation of fucking deluded douchecanoes and now the rest of us have to attend their gala wedding weekends, spend more cash than they deserve because we don't like them that much anyway, and feel obligated to look at their moronic websites, YouTube videos, and other assorted asinine bullshit associated with weddings of 2012. I hate to give this advice, but if you really expect friends and family to deal with the stupidity of your "fairytale" wedding crap, do us all a favor, elope. Save us the hassle and the end result is the same. The question I have is, will you divorce with the same amount of fanfare? The rest of us are dying to know. Are you friggin kidding me right now???