So, while I support of those of us who enjoy this form of self-expression, I venture into the realm of this topic very carefully. How many actually think, research, carefully consider, weigh options, and really take the time to be absolutely sure that this particular body modification is what you truly want. I'm not necessarily talking about remorse, but that does happen. What I am referring to is blatant errors in judgement, facts, spelling, positioning, and for whom you are doing it. That's a lot of mistakes, so let's take them one at a time, shall we? Starting with judgement, think about the line of work you are in, where you live, and how old you are before you consider doing this to yourself. No matter how far we've come, there are those that continue to set us back decades. There are still people in this world who would run screaming from the exam room if their doctor walked in with a giant septum piercing. Because somehow having a ring in his nose makes his license to practice medicine null and void.
Next, let's consider a very serious factor. For WHOM are you getting this modification? You are the one who has to live the rest of your life with the result. Getting your tongue pierced to give a better blow job is probably the most fucktarded reason I have ever heard, yet there are dumb ass whores out there who do it for that exact purpose. Guess what, skank? You were born with the one thing necessary to perfom that function, and the fact that you have no problem using it on tons of guys without discretion is bad enough. It isn't necessary to drive a stake through your tongue to perfect your craft, guys don't care about the how...they are only interested in your willingness to do it. Since you've got that covered, risking infection and broken teeth isn't worth the money spent on the piercing, much less the pain you'll encounter having it done.
Still on that line of thought, getting a tattoo of someone's name or face had better be very carefully thought out if you don't want to have to be re-inked over that spot 3 years or less later. If you want your late mom's face on your bicep, have at it. Your mom will ALWAYS be your mom, in life and after death. That fact doesn't change. Get your child's name emblazoned across your chest if you'd like. Same rules apply here, your child is forever your child, even after they grow up and have a family of their own. Think really long and hard before you slap your boyfriend's or girlfriend's name on any part of your body. Not trying to detract from your individual concept of love and romance, I'm attempting to inject a dose of reality into your world. Statistically speaking, a great portion of relationships don't last. The last thing you need is a permanent reminder of your grotesque error in romantic judgment. The name that made you smile and sigh yesterday, may cause you to projectile vomit tomorrow. Use your brain!
Get your facts straight! If you want to commemorate a moment in history, please do the research before having it injected into your skin. Should you think Chinese characters are quite lovely, and they are, be sure to know beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are, indeed, getting the one that means LIFE and not the one that means BUTTHOLE. Don't just look it up, ask around. Head into the nearest Chinatown, whatever it takes. Looking to quote someone famous? Fantastic! Having a hero or someone who speaks what is on your mind so beautifully is wonderful. Inking that phrase on your body is a great way to remind you of something that keeps you strong or makes you happy. Be sure it is accurate and you've got it verbatim in black and white on paper before you bop on over to your favorite tattoo artist. Then be sure to visually inspect the transfer BEFORE the first needle touches your flesh. Nothing says idiot quite like being a walking billboard of a fucking misquote.
Next, I beg you to consider this before you make the decision to be tattooed. Will I still like it 25 years from now? Will it remain relevant to me after this year? Do I truly like this design, word, phrase, face? Personally, I don't really care if you have eternal regrets. Here's the thing, aside from the fact that you will eventually have some serious-ass remorse if you actually tattoo "Gangnam Style" on your neck, but you will subject yourself to more ridicule than your inner child can handle. Recently, I saw some fucking doozy tattoos on two different people. One was in Chico, and the guy was standing in front of a tattoo parlor, covered in ink, no shock. But he had an entire FACE tattooed on each of his cheeks. Seriously, even if you want to memorialize someone by having their image inked onto your skin, and I do respect that decision, never, ever put it on your own face! Unless he was letting us into the scary recesses of his mind and we were getting a glimpse into his multiple personality disorder, there is never a reason to put faces on your face. You do have arms, don't you? My favorite fuck up has to be someone I just saw this past weekend. Mr. Anti-Everything Society Has Ever Deemed Acceptable was in Nation's with his equally angry girlfriend. She was dressed in raggedy black clothing, with a lovely sentiment emblazoned across the back of her sweatshirt. It said, "EAT, FUCK, KILL" but that was nowhere near as hysterical as what was tattooed on her boyfriend's arm. In the fanciest upper case lettering you can imagine, Douche McBaggus had FUCKTARD tattooed across his gangly upper arm. How attractive. After laughing myself to tears, I had to wonder, was he referring to himself? In my mind that was the only logical reason for having that permanently injected into his skin for public display.
And so, I must remind you to take a considerable amount of time and effort thinking about, researching, and contemplating the long-term satisfaction of any kind of body modification procedure. While it is becoming pretty mainstream and much more widely accepted, you still should keep certain things in mind. Like, do I live in an area that is fairly liberal and accepting of individuality? Do I have a job that allows such things? Am I doing this on a whim and will I regret this in the morning after the alcohol wears off? How much do I love this person, enough to have their name permanently on my ass cheek? After removing this gigantic piercing 20 years from now when I am too old to walk into bingo sporting a lip piercing, will the resulting stretched out hole in my dry, papery skin be okay with me or will I need to seek out a plastic surgeon to make me look normal again? This last point, I must simply drive it home like a dagger in your eyeball, do NOT get curse words tattooed anywhere on your body, especially the kind that do double duty as insults. Think before you ink!!! I always do. Are you friggin kidding me right now???
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