Till Death Do Us Part, or until the neglect outweighs the love

This thought doesn't only apply to married couples, everyone you've chosen to have in your life is there because you wanted them to be. When you stop acting that way, you've begun to end the relationship. A form of self-sabotage, in which many folks engage without even realizing it. I've watched too many friends check out of relationships, not just with a partner, but with their children, and other friends. Like it just became too much work to nurture what was already there in front of them. We've all become too busy for the basic needs that used to be simple to satisfy. Listening to someone who needs an ear, and validating their feelings. Sharing laughter with the one friend who really "gets" you, the whole body laughter that wears you out. Sticking a little note inside the lunchbox of your child who gets picked on at school so they feel loved and accepted. Dropping off a grande Gingerbread latte because you know he likes them. Asking a friend how their day was and actually listening and giving a shit. Remember those days? Or are we so far gone?
So often people are alone in a crowd, not because they are socially awkward, but because they are preoccupied. Carrying cell phones, tablets, and giant day-planners like Jesus Christ walking the Earth, we are a society that has checked out of life. Yet, if you were to ask someone if that's true, they'll insist that all their advanced technology actually helps keep them in touch with more people in their lives. Really? Then why are you out with your supposed best friend and glued to your cell phone, texting half the people in your contacts list? Is your best friend suddenly boring as shit or do you suffer from some serious ADD? I've actually seen couples out on dates, sitting across from each other at a restaurant, busily texting away on their phones, and completely ignoring each other. Dead silence. Of course this is not to be confused with a comfortable silence, which is something attained over time within very secure relationships. The need to fill the empty air space with mindless, incessant chatter evaporates leaving the contentment of sometimes just being with each other.
The desire to feel popular coupled with the instant gratification disease people have been infected with has caused an outbreak of folks ignoring people they are sitting right next to in order to be in touch with at least a handful of other people via some form of messaging method. My question to you is, do you truly believe that the handful of people you are chatting with care even half as much about you as the person who took time out of their day to share it with you? If I had to guess, I'd say no. Are you aware of the message you are sending to that person? You are telling them that they aren't important enough and definitely not interesting enough to hold your attention for more than brief 30 second snippets at a time, the length of time it takes to read and/or respond to a text. Would you like it if you were treated the same? Would you even notice? I dare say you wouldn't. Most folks have become numb to this sort of thing and don't really care if they sit in silence, tapping away on a keyboard while present company does the same. Why bother leaving the house?  At least at home, you can stay in your pajamas or waltz around in your underwear should that be the mode of dress most comfortable for you.

Checking in. We have forgotten how to check in with people. I don't mean a text that says "whassup?" sent off to an acquaintance or even someone very close to you. I mean a real check in, one that lets the other person know you are interested in them and what is going on in their life. Not asking how are you of someone when you only want to hear them respond, "Good, and you?" Because most don't want to hear more, they just don't care enough to wait for the actual answer. That's fucking sad. We really don't give a shit about anyone anymore. I miss the good old days when people talked for hours on end and didn't run out of things to say. When people shared thoughts and feelings unabashedly with friends and felt accepted in spite of what they'd said. You just knew that it would be okay to express what was on your mind without fear of being ostracized or criticized. Debates were heated yet friendly, you could actually agree to disagree, and grab a burger together afterwards. Opinions were always welcome.
Sadly, this isn't true anymore and part of the reason people have stopped having real relationships, why they've stopped checking in. Not only because we live in a world of sound bites, lacking the attention span for much more, but we also want to be surrounded by sycophants. No longer wanting the challenge of a differing opinion, we opt to hang out with those who share our likes, dislikes, political views, and tastes in food. It's just easier and doesn't require us to think and challenge ourselves and our own beliefs. Isn't that the purpose of intelligent conversation? To expand our minds beyond what we presently know or believe? Not in this decade. It's too hard and frankly, nobody has the time or patience for it. Possessed by an enormous sense of entitlement, we want to be right all the fucking time and screw you if you don't agree. Nice. And you want to have friends? Good luck, assmunch.
Wanting to be heard and needing to be right has caused another phenomenon in today's relationships, disinterest which begets neglect. We've stopped caring. I'm serious, it's occurring everywhere and is the death of many relationships, whether it be with a friend, a partner, or a relative. These days we have placed so much on our plates, there's no room left for what's really important. Even though we know how we would like to be treated, we've forgotten that the first step is treating someone else that way. We all learn best by example and we are not setting a very good one. If you don't want to be ignored, don't ignore those closest to you. Seems simple when read, but almost impossible to put into practice for most of you buttfucks out there. So cliche, but it really is the little things that count. Small gestures that reflect that you've listened to what someone has said to you. Remember those? Your mom knew how to do this...think hard and try to recall your childhood.
Some people take this twenty steps too far and go overboard. This is NOT being thoughtful, it's showboating. Like the dude who insists on sending flowers to his woman's place of work, is that meant to impress her or all the people with whom she works? I can answer that, it's for everyone who is watching the spectacle. He wants all the other women to be jealous and the other men to mentally high-five him for his slick move. Allow me to let you in on a secret, most of us don't give a fetid shit about your showing off. We know your intent, and we are not impressed in the slightest. Your intention is very clear, because had the flowers been meant for your partner, truly for her, you'd have handed them to her yourself at home. Delivered to work isn't being thoughtful at all. Look at me, I'm romantic and spontaneous! If you have to tell all of us, then you're not. A loving gesture would consist of her finding a rose on her pillow at bedtime. Hey, I'll go one better, and I will bet most of the ladies will agree with me. Have her coffee waiting and prepped for when she walks into the kitchen tomorrow morning. Extra points if you remembered that she takes two Splenda, not one. Get the point?!
Remembering that your kid likes Starbucks and coming home with her favorite drink just because. An out-of-the-blue neck rub because you recall hearing him say his pillow was bunched wrong last night. Asking the friend you've known forever what's wrong because you'd recognize that little wrinkle above her eyebrow anywhere and you know exactly what it means. Then truly listening. Yeah, I know I'm getting nowhere here. What scares me is that one day we will all be alone because we didn't take the time to water the flowerbed of loved ones in our lives. I know of several people who are now divorced because they forgot how to care...even though they actually did. Now they are going overboard in their new relationships, and you know what, it's too little too late. Most of them would still be married to their former spouses had they checked back in before it was too late. That makes this jaded bitch want to cry. And I think you've figured out that it takes a LOT to make that happen.
I've said this before and I'll say it again, make time for people you love before they are ripped away from you. Once they are gone, they are gone for good. Dead is forever and you can't rewind that tape. Heed my fucking words, this time I am dead serious and I hope you think about what you've read. Be present in the moment, pay attention, really listen, truly care. You've chosen those who have a permanent place in your life, a conscious choice to place them there and keep them close. Whether by birth, marriage, or happenstance, they are there and they deserve all of you.  A life lived with regrets is not a life worth living, and one I won't live. Are you friggin kidding me right now???