Let's talk about sex...

Oh my fucking God, she went THERE! I figured now that the election is over, and praise Jesus, Obama is still our Commander in Chief, we could move on to more interesting topics. Like sex. Come on, we all think about it. Many of us talk about it. And most of us do it. Those of you who don't, I'm sorry, use more deodorant. Actually, I cannot think of a reason why someone would opt out of something so normal and natural. Like those born-again virgins you hear about, what the fuck is that?  Some decide that they've been such gigantic whores up till now that they feel they should have a fresh start. Uh, what's done is done, you can't un-fuck someone.
Oh, but wait, they have surgical procedures that can, ahem, re-virginize you. I'm serious, it's called hymenorraphy, and you can have one if you want to restore your hymen to a virginal state. Realizing that the hymen has an opening to begin with and can be torn by things other than having sex, should dissuade you from spending time, money, and having surgery to "correct" something that can't truly be corrected. I know there are cultures out there that still value virginal status and take it very seriously. Many of these women will resort to this procedure to help their marriageability and prevent them from being stoned or whatever Dark Age-torture their ridiculous, behind the times culture requires when they discover you aren't pure. Bring on the double-standards!!!
Moronic double-standards aside, we need to look at the reason there is a push towards abstinence. Since when did that become better for you? There are those who believe that sex clouds clear-thinking and the ability to focus. Sounds to me like someone not getting any in the first place. If you are one of those people who have become so addicted that you are yanking your own crank all day and it is now interfering with work and your family life, then yes, you do need to take it down a notch.  At that point, it IS clouding your ability to do much of anything.  I've heard folks say that it frees up their schedule for other things. Like what, the fucking Peace Corps? And before this ah-ha moment you were having sex, what, 15-20 times per day? How the hell can cutting out something that may take the lesser part of an hour, free you up to do anything productive? Unless you are doing it all day, every day, I imagine you still have time to take up a hobby, join a club, socialize, learn a language...whatever the hell it is you feel you may be missing out by having sex.
We can't forget the alternative-lifestyles, now can we? I love that terminology, alternative lifestyle.  Alternative to what? Can't something just be what it is without requiring a PC title to make people outside the loop more comfortable with talking about it? A cigar is just a cigar, and a fetishist is just a fetishist. Yes, fetishes exist, and they are just as natural as breathing or having sex in the missionary position, but not quite as vanilla. Stop shaking your head and gasping like someone ripped a fart in church. Who are you to judge what makes another person happy?  If they aren't hurting you or someone you love, shut your flap. It's none of your business or mine what goes on behind closed doors and involves consenting adults.

Yet, so many people are absolutely baffled by, freaked out about, disgusted regarding, however you want to put it, those who enjoy different sexual outlets.  Nobody is saying YOU have to participate, just accept that there are vast differences between your bedroom habits and theirs, then move on. Most fetishes are completely harmless, yet because you don't engage in them, they are god-awful, should be banned, are sinful, make you vomit in your mouth. How fucking repressed are you? If someone wants to be pissed on, and they have found a person who likes to piss on people, who am I to tell them they can't do it? There's no danger in that particular activity, why does it frighten you so? The fact that you sit around eating bon bons all day long is more repulsive and far more physically dangerous than a golden shower could ever be. Think about it.
If a guy who is powerful by day wants to be tied up and whipped by night, can you begrudge him the release he feels with each lash? Since you aren't in his shoes, you don't get it.  He doesn't expect you to, but he would appreciate it if you'd keep your negative opinions to yourself. He isn't in any danger, haven't you ever heard of a safe word?  I know you ladies have read at least book one in the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. You know exactly what I am talking about...it excited you, admit it. Being the one in charge, calling the shots...pretty hot, right?  For those of you ignorant about these types of things, the submissive is actually the one with all the power.  That is DEFINITELY another topic, and I have neither the time nor the patience this evening to delve into that world, not that I don't have a soft spot in my heart for it.

Those of you who have a touch or more of homophobia, or worse actually hate gays, make me want to take a potato peeler to your body and just when I've stripped off as much skin as I deem necessary, drop your fucktarded asses into a vat of lemon juice. That's hate. You have absolutely no reason whatsoever to hate someone based upon their sexual orientation.  Notice I didn't say preference?  Why is that?  Just like you didn't make a conscious choice to be straight, gays don't wake up one morning and say, "Today's a great day to be homosexual!" Why would they make a choice to be someone who is subject to hate, prejudice, and violence? As I've stated, what goes on behind closed doors doesn't affect you, keep your ugly inside...it's already starting to show on the outside.
Talking about sex, sharing, joking around, it's all perfectly normal.  Locker room talk takes place among both men AND women, and it should. The more something becomes mainstreamed, the less taboo is carries and we can start to enjoy life and love as it should be enjoyed. The U.S. is incredibly repressed sexually as a nation and could learn a lesson or two from the good folks across the pond. I'm not saying we need to make all beaches topless, I don't want to see the long, flapjack titties that most women over 40 who have children are toting around on their chests. What I'd like to see, is the human body respected and appreciated in all its forms, shapes, and sizes.  Everyone has the potential to be sexy and sensual, and should be allowed to feel that way.

We need to stop demonizing sexual practices that extend beyond the standard man/woman boot knocking. I've said this in a previous entry, if a man wants to worship your feet, and you are comfortable enough with your body to allow it, let him work those toes into a lather. Don't stand there with your arms folded across your chest glaring at the person who just came out of the local "intimate" shop with a bagful of handcuffs and whips. She has as much of a right to enjoy her sexuality as you do, with one difference. She isn't afraid to express herself fully, you are. Get over your own fears, lose your prejudices, stick your negativity up your fat ass, and try to grow the fuck up. It's 2012, not 1901. Like George Michael said, "Sex is natural, sex is good.  Not everybody does it, but everybody should." Do I think I've reached half of you? Do I believe you'll open your mind just a wee bit more? Are you friggin kidding me right now???